From: suelekha@trade.bekr.....
Subject: How My Son Became Non-Margii
Date: Mon, 18 Feb 2013 20:51:28 -0000
To: am-global@earthlink.net
Baba
This entire email is composed of 3 parts:
(1) Prabhat Samgiita #2496;
(2) Posting: How My Son Became Non-Margii;
(3) Trailer Quote: Benefit of Dhyana
Each section is demarcated by asterisks (*).
**** Here begins the Prabhat Samgiita ****
PS: In this following song, Parama Purusa is addressed as Iishana. More about this term is explained below.
"Iisha'n toma'r vis'a'n' bejeche, alasata' du're sare geche..." (P.S. 2496)
Purport:
O' Parama Purusa, Your divine call in thundering voice is resonating all around; it has removed the staticity, dogma, and lethargy from everyone's mind. The new dawn has come. Those negative issues which were impeding the path of human progress have disappeared into the far distant horizon. Now the stain of staticity and dogma cannot remain any longer. The ailment of inertness is no more. By Your grace, living beings have gotten new life, smiles, and joy due to the rejuvenating spirit of neo-humanism.
O' Divine Entity, Baba, by Your grace, the world which was sleeping in the past has arisen. New leaves and flowers are beautifying the green vegetation and trees. The flowers and fruit are bursting with colours. Everything has been touched by Your colourful panoramic display. Under the effulgence of Your auspicious and divine grace, all that was negative has become positive.
Now there is no one to create obstacles on our path towards our cherished Goal. Now there are no narrow sentiments or mean, dogmatic thoughts which can hinder our forward movement. The time has come - under the vast blue sky and in this beautiful environment - I should go on marching forward undauntedly towards You. O' Parama Purusa, victory is Yours, victory is Yours, victory is Yours...
NOTES FOR PRABHAT SAMGIITA #2496:
[1] Iisha'na: When Parama Purusa comes in the form of Mahasambhuti to guide human society He expresses Himself through 5 moods. It is said that Parama Purusa has 5 faces. For example, if a mother is a police officer then in one role she is very tough and stern with criminals and in another she is very tender and soft with His children. Similarly, Parama Purusa has 5 faces - not biologically or anatomically, just 5 different moods. On one extreme He is very tender, soft, and loving; in this aspect He never scolds the devotee. Then on the other extreme He is very tough and fierce. In that role He is a strict disciplinarian and hands out stern punishment. Other roles are a mix of these two extremes. One such role of Mahasambhuti, Parama Purusa, is Iishana.
"The face next to Dakśińeshvara is called Iishána. It says, “Look, my child, follow this path. If you follow any other path, it will bring you only sorrow. Don’t make such a mistake. Prakrti will never pardon you. The result will be disastrous.” Iishána clearly states the consequences of misdeeds and gives a few pieces of advice." (1)
For more info read Baba's discourse: Sambhúti and Mahásambhúti, and related chapters.
[2] Theme: Baba's below teachings uniquely reflect the theme of the above song.
"You will observe that the young generation today is not willing to accept outdated, dogmatic theories and isms. If the knowledge of Bhagavat Dharma (the path of spirituality) is infused in young minds at the first flush of the new dawn, then dogma will be torn asunder in an instant. The upholders of dogma partly realize that clear, penetrating vision portends their doom." (2)
"Human history today has reached such a transitional phase that universal humanity, forgetting all spatial, temporal and personal differences, shall have to move, hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder towards the new dawn with rapid steps. Humanity must respond to this call. With the reddish glow of the dawn, the collective body, mind and soul will be radiant with joy. And that alone will be the real progress of universal humanity, the firm establishment of unified humanism." (3)
"Human civilization now faces the final moment of a critical juncture. The dawn of a glorious new era is on the one side, and the worn-out skeleton of the past on the other. Humanity has to adopt either one or the other. You are the spiritual soldiers, you are the worshippers of life divine. Hence I call upon you to adorn this crimson dawn deluged with glorious light. Victory is surely yours." (4)
PS REFERENCES:
1. Ananda Marga Ideology & Way of Life - 10
2. Prout in a Nutshell - 16, Religious Dogma – Excerpt A
3. Ananda Vanii #61
4. Ananda Vanii #26
Namaskar,
We all want our Marga to grow and every parent in Ananda Marga wants for their child to become a dedicated sadhaka. After all, who does not want to have a beautiful devotional and ideological flow under their own roof. My husband and I certainly did.
Unfortunately, with our eldest child, we could not gain success - by Baba's grace with our second, things have been much better in that regard.
Perhaps other parents have experienced or are experiencing similar results as our family. The reality is that raising a margii child is no easy feat, especially in this ultra-materialistic era. But it is not at all impossible either. There are some excellent examples in our Ananda Marga, all over the world. There are however, no shortage of cases where things did not turn out too well.
Here I wish to share some of the errors which we made due to ignorance - we were not aware, so I write today in hopes that others will avoid such issues. Also I will offer what has worked for us with our youngest.
Most certainly, if you have anything to add - as I am sure all parents do(!) - please write in about this crucial point. You will be doing a big service to our entire margii family. I look forward to hearing about it...
THE MAIN MISTAKE WE MADE
This letter is not easy for me to write as the growth and development of our children has been quite trying for us.
On the one side, our eldest child is fine in many regards, but admittedly he is not an Ananda Margii, and at this point it seems that it will take nothing short of a miracle for this to happen.
Here is the main mistake we made.
With our eldest - a son now 29 - we just naturally assumed that as he got older he would see the value and rational approach of Ananda Marga. We thought that he would organically understand how doing meditation and eating vegetarian was the best way to go - but it did not turn out like that at all. This was a big blow to our psyche, and to this day I regret the choices we made in raising him.
I naively thought that I should not push him into Ananda Marga and that it would be "healthier" if this was something he decided on his own. After all, that was how my husband and I came into the Marga. So we let our son grow up in a "normal manner" - play, homework, video games, etc - without forcing him to attend Ananda Marga functions or going to Marga retreats or doing sadhana together etc. He would go to friends' houses while my husband and I went to dharmacakra or any Ananda Marga function.
However, once on that loose leash, my eldest child just strayed farther and farther from the path. Today he drinks alcohol, eats meat, is covered by multiple tattoos, and has even experimented with being gay.
I love him dearly, but I see that without my pushing and insisting when he was young (i.e. in his early childhood years), he just got pulled into the dirty current of materialism. It is those values and choices that govern his day to day life - not the ways of Ananda Marga.
This has been the cause of so much tension, arguing, and regret in our household. Now he even criticises us for being in Ananda Marga - he thinks we are ignorant. It is a headache to live together or even visit. In the kitchen he eats meat and smokes cigarettes in the house. I cannot even begin to tell you all the problems. I really wish I knew back then what I know now.
It is very painful to see and even more painful to admit. What was the point in my becoming a parent if I could not raise my child(ren) according to the precepts of dharma.
Somehow it all got away from us.
One of the reasons I am writing about this is to recount the day Dadaji stayed with us for an entire week. Dada came at our request when I told him that our child could not be controlled. At the time our eldest was 14 and he was not listening to anything.
We had known Dadaji for years and had complete trust in his evaluation. He could see very clearly what transpired within our family - with respect to our eldest. And he pointed out one key mis-step that my husband and I tripped over long ago.
Dada reminded us that inborn samskaras play a huge role in life. That is not to say that everything is pre-destined and that we should just be passive observers. Rather the opposite is true. Without a very positive inborn samskara then coming into Ananda Marga is not easy - a lot of help is needed. This is the point we missed.
Rather than doing lots of kiirtan and sadhana with our oldest child when he was young, and always taking him to dharmacakra, we just let him play etc. We were too relaxed, when it was in those years (from 0 to 12) that we needed to instill the values & practices of Ananda Marga.
On that occasion, Dada warned if we are not strict strict with our second child then our youngest will also fall into problem, but if we instill Ananda Marga values early then everything will be fine. That was 15 yrs ago. And I have to say that Dadaji was absolutely right. Today our youngest is 19 and all is well, whereas I still regret how I raised my eldest, now 29.
Here is more of Dada's explanation - via a short synopsis. Then I will tell more of my story...
All over the globe there are millions and billions of people who get caught up in the social norms of the day, and comparatively few who break away from those dogmatic traditions and steer clear of pseudo-culture and come into Ananda Marga.
Dada told that those not born in margii families and enter into Ananda Marga is due to their extraordinary inborn samskara combined with Baba's divine grace. These sadhakas had such a remarkable inborn samskara that no matter what life situation they were born into, they would have come into Ananda Marga.
Then Dadaji explained that most of the population is not like that - including many of our margii children. For such persons to enter Ananda Marga, it will take a huge amount of support and guidance, i.e. imposed samskara, from the parents from infancy through their childhood. Regular kiirtan, telling devotional stories, coming to dharmacakra, making friends with other margii children - all of these things and more are needed in order to bring our own children into the Marga.
When I heard this it was as if I swallowed a rock.
It seemed so plainly obvious when Dada explained this, but somehow as parents we missed the boat on this one. My entire adult life I assumed the opposite. I figured, "Oh, of course our child will choose AM" - and I waited and I waited and I waited, but it never happened. And now my oldest is far past his formative years, and he is making his own life decisions, and AM does not even come into the picture.
When he was a teenager I tried to guide him but by then it was too late. I would give advice and he would argue and quarrel. It was then that Dada told me that I had to teach all this when he was young - then he would listen. During his teenage years when he was rebelling was not the time to teach - it just created more fights.
Thus it was when my oldest was 13 and my youngest 3 that I made the switch in my approach. The result being that now nearly 17 yrs later, my oldest is far, far from the Marga and our younger son is an inspired and true Ananda Margii. I will tell the story about my youngest down below.
So now I clearly understand that had I adopted a proper parenting approach then both my children could have become margiis. By Baba's grace that is what has happened with our youngest. And it could have been that way with our oldest, but I naively assumed that he would come on his own. I have now realised that if as a parent I had been more vigilant and fortified my children with strong guidance - i.e. imposed samskara - they would both have entered onto the path of pure spirituality, by His grace. In spite of how good an inborn samskara may be, without proper company then it does not bear fruit. Proper guidance is needed, not rely on inborn samskara.
Baba guides us that we are to guide our children along the path of morality and spirituality from a very young age.
Baba says, "One should follow bha'gavata dharma from one’s very childhood, because human life is rare and is very precious...So a wise person should get initiated and should start sa'dhana' in his very childhood, or kaoma'ra." (1)
So Baba's guideline is that from the very birth of their child, parents should be very sensitive to the needs of the child and guide them along the path of sadhana.
Baba says, "Parents will have to take on most of the responsibility for the moral and spiritual education of the child." (2)
And indeed, during DMC and general darshan, Baba always welcomed mothers who brought their young infants. Baba's teaching is that from the earliest age children should be raised along the tenets of dharma and when they are old enough to go to school, then they should go to an Ananda Marga school. Because the mind is very impressionable at the tender age of 5. What they are taught they will remember and follow with implicit faith and trust.
For these reasons and more Baba guides us that parents must introduce their child to spiritual ideals very early on - further down in this email is that very beautiful account from Baba about how the great saint Madalasa raised her children.
Then in addition to parenting, a proper education is needed that instills the right values in life.
Baba says, "The real meaning of education is trilateral development – simultaneous development in the physical, mental and spiritual realms of human existence." (3)
For this reason Baba was vigilant that Ananda Marga should establish primary education schools all over this earth, in every country, region, city and village. Baba's point is that from their birth right up through their childhood is when our children formulate their ideas and visions about the world and how they will live their live. What our children see and hear at that age makes a huge impact on who they become later in life.
While our Marga is the voice of bhagavata dharma, the various religions indoctrinate young minds into their dogmatic ways. And they do this by employing the very same techniques Baba recommends. They misuse this method to suite their own needs and interests.
All the organised religions - Christianity, Islam, Judaism, etc - preach and teach their kids those principles from a very early age by enrolling them in daily or weekly religious education schools and programs. They understand well that what a child sees and experiences in those younger years (from 0 - 12) will stick with them their entire life. Christians put their kids in Sunday school, Jews use Hebrew school, the Muslims put even their 2 year olds in madarsa (Islamic faith schools). In that ways they are able to indoctrinate their children into their dogmatic faith.
While we are still struggling to implement Baba's ideas within the Marga, we need look no further than the dogmatic religions to see this approach in action. Unfortunately, again, the various religions employ this method to spread their dogma - not the glorious ways of bhagavata dharma.
Thus our Ananda Marga approach is grossly needed on this earth.
So it is really a question of parenting & schooling for all children. If they are guided in a particular direction they will have those experiences and ideals for life. Children remember and learn so much in those early moments. Now I really wish I always kept my oldest with me nearby when doing sadhana. I did that with my youngest but not my older one.
Coming into the Marga lies almost cent-per-cent with the families and then with the schools later on.
Once again we can look to the dogmatic religions for proof.
These days many Christian families are less strict than before, and the degree to which they are remiss is the degree to which the church loses followers in that area. This has happened to a large extent in Europe. In contrast, to the degree that parents are strict in their households - as is the case with many Muslim families - is the degree to which their children get fully indoctrinated into that approach.
As parents in the Marga we should clearly understand this issue and put it into practice. Because unlike the dogmatic religions, we have all the wonders of the universe to share with our children. Our Marga is the path of dharma. Yet without our prompting and clear cut approach, our children will continue to miss out on this opportunity. And this is an injustice to them - and it is not the way we are to raise our children in service to Guru Dev.
Part of the problem that can happen is that we may feel that Ananda Marga is something above and beyond the rest of life. There is so much to do as parents that we can get caught up just following the basic worldly checklist without putting proper emphasis on Ananda Marga. When in fact it is the spirituality of AM that is the essence of life - not all that other stuff.
We missed this lesson with our oldest child and instead got caught up in general societal values and in result our son did not develop into a sadhaka. We paid attention to his physical and mental (mostly) development like clockwork, yet never inculcated the spiritual side into his daily life, neither as an infant nor as a toddler and young boy. And now the sad reality is that this is not part of his life.
I would not raise this point if I did not see this happening with other margii families. Many of the parents in my circle of communication are in the midst of similar circumstances - they openly say so.
I suppose the main thing is not to rely on the idea that somehow magically our children will walk into the door of Ananda Marga at the age of 18, when up until that time Ananda Marga has not been a major factor in their lives.
Here again Baba points out that root cause of the problem
Baba says, "The main point is this: for want of a little care, children are deprived of the opportunity to become complete human beings, even though they have a human structure." (4)
Thus to bring our children onto the path of Ananda Marga we cannot merely passively wait for that magic day to happen as if they will realise it with their own rational approach. Rather we have to be assertive and inculcate spiritual values within our children on a daily basis.
If we do that our children become opponents and hate Ananda Marga. That is what happened with my first born and I feel the fault is entirely mine - not my son's.
The problem has escalated to such a degree that he does not merely passively oppose Ananda Marga, but actively by eating meat, smoking, drinking alcohol and speaking badly about Ananda Marga.
In India there is a saying that I have heard, "Those who kept their babies away and did not bring them to DMC etc , then those children got lost, never made it into AM and the whole house became hell."
This happened with many margii families within in India and the essence of that problem has occurred with many families outside India, including my own.
The point is that we must bring our young ones into the fold by including them in all Marga activities and building a strong social network for them. By Baba's grace we did this with our youngest and it worked out great.
Here is a short list of things we can do as parents to ensure our children grow to be strong sadhakas and active Ananda Margiis.
1. Create a community of friends by having our margii children play with other margii children;
2. Bring children to DC and organise a children's dharmacakra;
3. Have them in the room with you when you do your personal sadhana;
4. Sing kiirtan & bhajans with them throughout the day;
5. Tell them Baba stories before bed;
6. Inculcate a spiritual outlook in life;
7. We must remember that our kids see what we do and follow accordingly;
8. If a child gets bullied or taught to be fearful of ghosts, then that is a lifelong problem; similarly if child gets raised in AM then they will think Ananda Marga is their home and they will follow the basic do's and don'ts their entire life.
Finally, may we all remember that we cannot teach someone about the danger of drowning after he has already drowned. Similarly, we must not passively watch our children grow thinking that by their inborn samskara alone they will make it into Ananda Marga. We must be vigilant to guide them every step of the way - the moment they emerge from the womb - and even before then.
Baba tell us that forming children into proper human beings is a big job. The most difficult task is to make children into proper human beings.
To do that we must follow the example of the great mother / saint Madalasa who taught her children from their very infancy about, "Why you have come into this world and what is your goal."
"“Dear son, although you are but a child in a small human frame, you are the veritable expression of the Supreme Consciousness. You are an ever-holy, ever-enlightened entity. As long as you think that you are only a small child, you are spiritually ignorant, but when you realize that you are a part of that Supreme Entity, you become that Supreme Entity, you become spotless (nirainjano’si).”...“My dear child, there is no black spot in your mind. You are spotless. You are unassailed by any kind of sin.” Sam'sa'ra ma'ya' parivarpito’si: “You are beyond the spell of the illusory ma'ya' of this mundane world. You are the embodiment of the pure and unblemished self.”...“This is how Mada'lasa' teaches her son.” (5)
We must teach our children about Ananda Marga from a very early age. When we go to our Marga functions then all families should bring their children. If we instill the values of AM early then even if those children want to give up and walk away from AM then they will not be able to do it. Because that AM ways of life will be in their blood. In contrast, if we keep our children separate then only those few exceptional children with only the greatest of inborn samskaras will become Ananda Margiis, and all the rest will be lost in the sea of materialism and dogma.
Baba says, "Children will become assets of society in the future to the extent that their parents or guardians discharge their duties properly." (6)
Once there was a man who was about to be hung for the many crimes he committed. Before the hanging, he was granted one last wish and he requested to talk to his mother.
When his mother arrived he asked her if he could whisper something in her ear. She said, "Why of course my son" and and leaned towards him.
Then the man softly pinched his mother's ear.
The mother felt some pain and asked, "Why did you do that?"
The son replied, "Because you are the cause of my imminent death. All those years when I was a young boy stealing and thieving you never disciplined me nor told me that what I was doing was wrong. Because I did not get that important teaching, I grew up to be a criminal. And now today I am going to be hung."
Here the whole point is that as parents we have a huge effect on what our children become in life. It is out duty to do right by them and bring them along the path of dharma, otherwise they will meet all kinds of troubles and even blame us for their problems - and rightly so.
"The mental outlook of children has already been moulded in a particular fashion by the influence of their family environment before they start school. No matter what or how much they learn at school, it is extremely difficult for them to free themselves from the influence of their family. Drawing on what they have learned in the family, the immature minds of children begin to learn about the world and understand it, and to receive ideas and master language so that they can express those ideas. Unhesitatingly they adopt their elders’ way of looking at the world. Hence the primary responsibility for acquainting children with the world lies with their parents or guardians. Children will become assets of society in the future to the extent that their parents or guardians discharge their duties properly."
"I have no hesitation in saying that today’s adults have not yet developed a scientific method of training children’s minds. Even most so-called educated and refined people, let alone average adults, are either ignorant about or indifferent to the education of their children. Their ignorance may be pardoned, but how can we forgive their indifference? The family into which a child has been born will naturally have to bear the primary responsibility for the physical, mental and spiritual development of that child." (7)
Namaskar,
in Him,
Sulekha
REFERENCES:
1. Subhasita Samgraha - 21
2. Human Society - 1
3. Prout in a Nutshell - 18
4. Human Society - 1
5. Ananda Vacanamrtam - 7
6. Prout in a Nutshell - 1
7. Human Society - 1
"Answer: There is no doubt that the medicine prepared in a sentient environment by sentient people, from a medium or mother tincture which is also prepared in a sentient environment, will attract more positive microvita than ordinary medicines, so it will have a much greater effect in curing a patient."
"If a person contracts a disease caused by negative microvita before initiation and does dhyána sincerely after initiation, the disease will not spread but be contained. However, for different types of diseases one has to follow different food restrictions and practice dhyána at specific times."
Subject: How My Son Became Non-Margii
Date: Mon, 18 Feb 2013 20:51:28 -0000
To: am-global@earthlink.net
Baba
This entire email is composed of 3 parts:
(1) Prabhat Samgiita #2496;
(2) Posting: How My Son Became Non-Margii;
(3) Trailer Quote: Benefit of Dhyana
Each section is demarcated by asterisks (*).
**** Here begins the Prabhat Samgiita ****
PS: In this following song, Parama Purusa is addressed as Iishana. More about this term is explained below.
"Iisha'n toma'r vis'a'n' bejeche, alasata' du're sare geche..." (P.S. 2496)
Purport:
O' Parama Purusa, Your divine call in thundering voice is resonating all around; it has removed the staticity, dogma, and lethargy from everyone's mind. The new dawn has come. Those negative issues which were impeding the path of human progress have disappeared into the far distant horizon. Now the stain of staticity and dogma cannot remain any longer. The ailment of inertness is no more. By Your grace, living beings have gotten new life, smiles, and joy due to the rejuvenating spirit of neo-humanism.
O' Divine Entity, Baba, by Your grace, the world which was sleeping in the past has arisen. New leaves and flowers are beautifying the green vegetation and trees. The flowers and fruit are bursting with colours. Everything has been touched by Your colourful panoramic display. Under the effulgence of Your auspicious and divine grace, all that was negative has become positive.
Now there is no one to create obstacles on our path towards our cherished Goal. Now there are no narrow sentiments or mean, dogmatic thoughts which can hinder our forward movement. The time has come - under the vast blue sky and in this beautiful environment - I should go on marching forward undauntedly towards You. O' Parama Purusa, victory is Yours, victory is Yours, victory is Yours...
NOTES FOR PRABHAT SAMGIITA #2496:
[1] Iisha'na: When Parama Purusa comes in the form of Mahasambhuti to guide human society He expresses Himself through 5 moods. It is said that Parama Purusa has 5 faces. For example, if a mother is a police officer then in one role she is very tough and stern with criminals and in another she is very tender and soft with His children. Similarly, Parama Purusa has 5 faces - not biologically or anatomically, just 5 different moods. On one extreme He is very tender, soft, and loving; in this aspect He never scolds the devotee. Then on the other extreme He is very tough and fierce. In that role He is a strict disciplinarian and hands out stern punishment. Other roles are a mix of these two extremes. One such role of Mahasambhuti, Parama Purusa, is Iishana.
"The face next to Dakśińeshvara is called Iishána. It says, “Look, my child, follow this path. If you follow any other path, it will bring you only sorrow. Don’t make such a mistake. Prakrti will never pardon you. The result will be disastrous.” Iishána clearly states the consequences of misdeeds and gives a few pieces of advice." (1)
For more info read Baba's discourse: Sambhúti and Mahásambhúti, and related chapters.
[2] Theme: Baba's below teachings uniquely reflect the theme of the above song.
"You will observe that the young generation today is not willing to accept outdated, dogmatic theories and isms. If the knowledge of Bhagavat Dharma (the path of spirituality) is infused in young minds at the first flush of the new dawn, then dogma will be torn asunder in an instant. The upholders of dogma partly realize that clear, penetrating vision portends their doom." (2)
"Human history today has reached such a transitional phase that universal humanity, forgetting all spatial, temporal and personal differences, shall have to move, hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder towards the new dawn with rapid steps. Humanity must respond to this call. With the reddish glow of the dawn, the collective body, mind and soul will be radiant with joy. And that alone will be the real progress of universal humanity, the firm establishment of unified humanism." (3)
"Human civilization now faces the final moment of a critical juncture. The dawn of a glorious new era is on the one side, and the worn-out skeleton of the past on the other. Humanity has to adopt either one or the other. You are the spiritual soldiers, you are the worshippers of life divine. Hence I call upon you to adorn this crimson dawn deluged with glorious light. Victory is surely yours." (4)
PS REFERENCES:
1. Ananda Marga Ideology & Way of Life - 10
2. Prout in a Nutshell - 16, Religious Dogma – Excerpt A
3. Ananda Vanii #61
4. Ananda Vanii #26
== HOW MY SON BECAME NON-MARGII ==
Namaskar,
We all want our Marga to grow and every parent in Ananda Marga wants for their child to become a dedicated sadhaka. After all, who does not want to have a beautiful devotional and ideological flow under their own roof. My husband and I certainly did.
Unfortunately, with our eldest child, we could not gain success - by Baba's grace with our second, things have been much better in that regard.
Perhaps other parents have experienced or are experiencing similar results as our family. The reality is that raising a margii child is no easy feat, especially in this ultra-materialistic era. But it is not at all impossible either. There are some excellent examples in our Ananda Marga, all over the world. There are however, no shortage of cases where things did not turn out too well.
Here I wish to share some of the errors which we made due to ignorance - we were not aware, so I write today in hopes that others will avoid such issues. Also I will offer what has worked for us with our youngest.
Most certainly, if you have anything to add - as I am sure all parents do(!) - please write in about this crucial point. You will be doing a big service to our entire margii family. I look forward to hearing about it...
THE MAIN MISTAKE WE MADE
This letter is not easy for me to write as the growth and development of our children has been quite trying for us.
On the one side, our eldest child is fine in many regards, but admittedly he is not an Ananda Margii, and at this point it seems that it will take nothing short of a miracle for this to happen.
Here is the main mistake we made.
With our eldest - a son now 29 - we just naturally assumed that as he got older he would see the value and rational approach of Ananda Marga. We thought that he would organically understand how doing meditation and eating vegetarian was the best way to go - but it did not turn out like that at all. This was a big blow to our psyche, and to this day I regret the choices we made in raising him.
I naively thought that I should not push him into Ananda Marga and that it would be "healthier" if this was something he decided on his own. After all, that was how my husband and I came into the Marga. So we let our son grow up in a "normal manner" - play, homework, video games, etc - without forcing him to attend Ananda Marga functions or going to Marga retreats or doing sadhana together etc. He would go to friends' houses while my husband and I went to dharmacakra or any Ananda Marga function.
However, once on that loose leash, my eldest child just strayed farther and farther from the path. Today he drinks alcohol, eats meat, is covered by multiple tattoos, and has even experimented with being gay.
I love him dearly, but I see that without my pushing and insisting when he was young (i.e. in his early childhood years), he just got pulled into the dirty current of materialism. It is those values and choices that govern his day to day life - not the ways of Ananda Marga.
This has been the cause of so much tension, arguing, and regret in our household. Now he even criticises us for being in Ananda Marga - he thinks we are ignorant. It is a headache to live together or even visit. In the kitchen he eats meat and smokes cigarettes in the house. I cannot even begin to tell you all the problems. I really wish I knew back then what I know now.
It is very painful to see and even more painful to admit. What was the point in my becoming a parent if I could not raise my child(ren) according to the precepts of dharma.
Somehow it all got away from us.
THE ROLE OF IMPOSED SAMSKARA
One of the reasons I am writing about this is to recount the day Dadaji stayed with us for an entire week. Dada came at our request when I told him that our child could not be controlled. At the time our eldest was 14 and he was not listening to anything.
We had known Dadaji for years and had complete trust in his evaluation. He could see very clearly what transpired within our family - with respect to our eldest. And he pointed out one key mis-step that my husband and I tripped over long ago.
Dada reminded us that inborn samskaras play a huge role in life. That is not to say that everything is pre-destined and that we should just be passive observers. Rather the opposite is true. Without a very positive inborn samskara then coming into Ananda Marga is not easy - a lot of help is needed. This is the point we missed.
Rather than doing lots of kiirtan and sadhana with our oldest child when he was young, and always taking him to dharmacakra, we just let him play etc. We were too relaxed, when it was in those years (from 0 to 12) that we needed to instill the values & practices of Ananda Marga.
On that occasion, Dada warned if we are not strict strict with our second child then our youngest will also fall into problem, but if we instill Ananda Marga values early then everything will be fine. That was 15 yrs ago. And I have to say that Dadaji was absolutely right. Today our youngest is 19 and all is well, whereas I still regret how I raised my eldest, now 29.
THE ROLE OF IMPOSED SAMSKARA (Cont)
Here is more of Dada's explanation - via a short synopsis. Then I will tell more of my story...
All over the globe there are millions and billions of people who get caught up in the social norms of the day, and comparatively few who break away from those dogmatic traditions and steer clear of pseudo-culture and come into Ananda Marga.
Dada told that those not born in margii families and enter into Ananda Marga is due to their extraordinary inborn samskara combined with Baba's divine grace. These sadhakas had such a remarkable inborn samskara that no matter what life situation they were born into, they would have come into Ananda Marga.
Then Dadaji explained that most of the population is not like that - including many of our margii children. For such persons to enter Ananda Marga, it will take a huge amount of support and guidance, i.e. imposed samskara, from the parents from infancy through their childhood. Regular kiirtan, telling devotional stories, coming to dharmacakra, making friends with other margii children - all of these things and more are needed in order to bring our own children into the Marga.
When I heard this it was as if I swallowed a rock.
It seemed so plainly obvious when Dada explained this, but somehow as parents we missed the boat on this one. My entire adult life I assumed the opposite. I figured, "Oh, of course our child will choose AM" - and I waited and I waited and I waited, but it never happened. And now my oldest is far past his formative years, and he is making his own life decisions, and AM does not even come into the picture.
When he was a teenager I tried to guide him but by then it was too late. I would give advice and he would argue and quarrel. It was then that Dada told me that I had to teach all this when he was young - then he would listen. During his teenage years when he was rebelling was not the time to teach - it just created more fights.
Thus it was when my oldest was 13 and my youngest 3 that I made the switch in my approach. The result being that now nearly 17 yrs later, my oldest is far, far from the Marga and our younger son is an inspired and true Ananda Margii. I will tell the story about my youngest down below.
So now I clearly understand that had I adopted a proper parenting approach then both my children could have become margiis. By Baba's grace that is what has happened with our youngest. And it could have been that way with our oldest, but I naively assumed that he would come on his own. I have now realised that if as a parent I had been more vigilant and fortified my children with strong guidance - i.e. imposed samskara - they would both have entered onto the path of pure spirituality, by His grace. In spite of how good an inborn samskara may be, without proper company then it does not bear fruit. Proper guidance is needed, not rely on inborn samskara.
BABA'S PRACTICAL APPROACH
Baba guides us that we are to guide our children along the path of morality and spirituality from a very young age.
Baba says, "One should follow bha'gavata dharma from one’s very childhood, because human life is rare and is very precious...So a wise person should get initiated and should start sa'dhana' in his very childhood, or kaoma'ra." (1)
So Baba's guideline is that from the very birth of their child, parents should be very sensitive to the needs of the child and guide them along the path of sadhana.
Baba says, "Parents will have to take on most of the responsibility for the moral and spiritual education of the child." (2)
And indeed, during DMC and general darshan, Baba always welcomed mothers who brought their young infants. Baba's teaching is that from the earliest age children should be raised along the tenets of dharma and when they are old enough to go to school, then they should go to an Ananda Marga school. Because the mind is very impressionable at the tender age of 5. What they are taught they will remember and follow with implicit faith and trust.
For these reasons and more Baba guides us that parents must introduce their child to spiritual ideals very early on - further down in this email is that very beautiful account from Baba about how the great saint Madalasa raised her children.
Then in addition to parenting, a proper education is needed that instills the right values in life.
Sa' vidya' ya' vimuktaye
Baba says, "The real meaning of education is trilateral development – simultaneous development in the physical, mental and spiritual realms of human existence." (3)
For this reason Baba was vigilant that Ananda Marga should establish primary education schools all over this earth, in every country, region, city and village. Baba's point is that from their birth right up through their childhood is when our children formulate their ideas and visions about the world and how they will live their live. What our children see and hear at that age makes a huge impact on who they become later in life.
RELIGIONS MISUSE THIS TECHNIQUE
While our Marga is the voice of bhagavata dharma, the various religions indoctrinate young minds into their dogmatic ways. And they do this by employing the very same techniques Baba recommends. They misuse this method to suite their own needs and interests.
All the organised religions - Christianity, Islam, Judaism, etc - preach and teach their kids those principles from a very early age by enrolling them in daily or weekly religious education schools and programs. They understand well that what a child sees and experiences in those younger years (from 0 - 12) will stick with them their entire life. Christians put their kids in Sunday school, Jews use Hebrew school, the Muslims put even their 2 year olds in madarsa (Islamic faith schools). In that ways they are able to indoctrinate their children into their dogmatic faith.
While we are still struggling to implement Baba's ideas within the Marga, we need look no further than the dogmatic religions to see this approach in action. Unfortunately, again, the various religions employ this method to spread their dogma - not the glorious ways of bhagavata dharma.
Thus our Ananda Marga approach is grossly needed on this earth.
MORE REFLECTION
So it is really a question of parenting & schooling for all children. If they are guided in a particular direction they will have those experiences and ideals for life. Children remember and learn so much in those early moments. Now I really wish I always kept my oldest with me nearby when doing sadhana. I did that with my youngest but not my older one.
Coming into the Marga lies almost cent-per-cent with the families and then with the schools later on.
Once again we can look to the dogmatic religions for proof.
These days many Christian families are less strict than before, and the degree to which they are remiss is the degree to which the church loses followers in that area. This has happened to a large extent in Europe. In contrast, to the degree that parents are strict in their households - as is the case with many Muslim families - is the degree to which their children get fully indoctrinated into that approach.
As parents in the Marga we should clearly understand this issue and put it into practice. Because unlike the dogmatic religions, we have all the wonders of the universe to share with our children. Our Marga is the path of dharma. Yet without our prompting and clear cut approach, our children will continue to miss out on this opportunity. And this is an injustice to them - and it is not the way we are to raise our children in service to Guru Dev.
ANANDA MARGA IS NOT AN EXTRA-CURRICULAR ACTIVITY
IT IS THE MAIN THING
IT IS THE MAIN THING
Part of the problem that can happen is that we may feel that Ananda Marga is something above and beyond the rest of life. There is so much to do as parents that we can get caught up just following the basic worldly checklist without putting proper emphasis on Ananda Marga. When in fact it is the spirituality of AM that is the essence of life - not all that other stuff.
We missed this lesson with our oldest child and instead got caught up in general societal values and in result our son did not develop into a sadhaka. We paid attention to his physical and mental (mostly) development like clockwork, yet never inculcated the spiritual side into his daily life, neither as an infant nor as a toddler and young boy. And now the sad reality is that this is not part of his life.
I would not raise this point if I did not see this happening with other margii families. Many of the parents in my circle of communication are in the midst of similar circumstances - they openly say so.
I suppose the main thing is not to rely on the idea that somehow magically our children will walk into the door of Ananda Marga at the age of 18, when up until that time Ananda Marga has not been a major factor in their lives.
THE MAIN ISSUE
Here again Baba points out that root cause of the problem
Baba says, "The main point is this: for want of a little care, children are deprived of the opportunity to become complete human beings, even though they have a human structure." (4)
Thus to bring our children onto the path of Ananda Marga we cannot merely passively wait for that magic day to happen as if they will realise it with their own rational approach. Rather we have to be assertive and inculcate spiritual values within our children on a daily basis.
If we do that our children become opponents and hate Ananda Marga. That is what happened with my first born and I feel the fault is entirely mine - not my son's.
The problem has escalated to such a degree that he does not merely passively oppose Ananda Marga, but actively by eating meat, smoking, drinking alcohol and speaking badly about Ananda Marga.
In India there is a saying that I have heard, "Those who kept their babies away and did not bring them to DMC etc , then those children got lost, never made it into AM and the whole house became hell."
This happened with many margii families within in India and the essence of that problem has occurred with many families outside India, including my own.
The point is that we must bring our young ones into the fold by including them in all Marga activities and building a strong social network for them. By Baba's grace we did this with our youngest and it worked out great.
PRACTICAL POINTS TO PROCEED
Here is a short list of things we can do as parents to ensure our children grow to be strong sadhakas and active Ananda Margiis.
1. Create a community of friends by having our margii children play with other margii children;
2. Bring children to DC and organise a children's dharmacakra;
3. Have them in the room with you when you do your personal sadhana;
4. Sing kiirtan & bhajans with them throughout the day;
5. Tell them Baba stories before bed;
6. Inculcate a spiritual outlook in life;
7. We must remember that our kids see what we do and follow accordingly;
8. If a child gets bullied or taught to be fearful of ghosts, then that is a lifelong problem; similarly if child gets raised in AM then they will think Ananda Marga is their home and they will follow the basic do's and don'ts their entire life.
Finally, may we all remember that we cannot teach someone about the danger of drowning after he has already drowned. Similarly, we must not passively watch our children grow thinking that by their inborn samskara alone they will make it into Ananda Marga. We must be vigilant to guide them every step of the way - the moment they emerge from the womb - and even before then.
PARENTING IS BIG RESPONSIBILITY
Baba tell us that forming children into proper human beings is a big job. The most difficult task is to make children into proper human beings.
To do that we must follow the example of the great mother / saint Madalasa who taught her children from their very infancy about, "Why you have come into this world and what is your goal."
"“Dear son, although you are but a child in a small human frame, you are the veritable expression of the Supreme Consciousness. You are an ever-holy, ever-enlightened entity. As long as you think that you are only a small child, you are spiritually ignorant, but when you realize that you are a part of that Supreme Entity, you become that Supreme Entity, you become spotless (nirainjano’si).”...“My dear child, there is no black spot in your mind. You are spotless. You are unassailed by any kind of sin.” Sam'sa'ra ma'ya' parivarpito’si: “You are beyond the spell of the illusory ma'ya' of this mundane world. You are the embodiment of the pure and unblemished self.”...“This is how Mada'lasa' teaches her son.” (5)
CONCLUSION
We must teach our children about Ananda Marga from a very early age. When we go to our Marga functions then all families should bring their children. If we instill the values of AM early then even if those children want to give up and walk away from AM then they will not be able to do it. Because that AM ways of life will be in their blood. In contrast, if we keep our children separate then only those few exceptional children with only the greatest of inborn samskaras will become Ananda Margiis, and all the rest will be lost in the sea of materialism and dogma.
Baba says, "Children will become assets of society in the future to the extent that their parents or guardians discharge their duties properly." (6)
STORY: MAN ABOUT TO BE HUNG
Once there was a man who was about to be hung for the many crimes he committed. Before the hanging, he was granted one last wish and he requested to talk to his mother.
When his mother arrived he asked her if he could whisper something in her ear. She said, "Why of course my son" and and leaned towards him.
Then the man softly pinched his mother's ear.
The mother felt some pain and asked, "Why did you do that?"
The son replied, "Because you are the cause of my imminent death. All those years when I was a young boy stealing and thieving you never disciplined me nor told me that what I was doing was wrong. Because I did not get that important teaching, I grew up to be a criminal. And now today I am going to be hung."
Here the whole point is that as parents we have a huge effect on what our children become in life. It is out duty to do right by them and bring them along the path of dharma, otherwise they will meet all kinds of troubles and even blame us for their problems - and rightly so.
"The mental outlook of children has already been moulded in a particular fashion by the influence of their family environment before they start school. No matter what or how much they learn at school, it is extremely difficult for them to free themselves from the influence of their family. Drawing on what they have learned in the family, the immature minds of children begin to learn about the world and understand it, and to receive ideas and master language so that they can express those ideas. Unhesitatingly they adopt their elders’ way of looking at the world. Hence the primary responsibility for acquainting children with the world lies with their parents or guardians. Children will become assets of society in the future to the extent that their parents or guardians discharge their duties properly."
"I have no hesitation in saying that today’s adults have not yet developed a scientific method of training children’s minds. Even most so-called educated and refined people, let alone average adults, are either ignorant about or indifferent to the education of their children. Their ignorance may be pardoned, but how can we forgive their indifference? The family into which a child has been born will naturally have to bear the primary responsibility for the physical, mental and spiritual development of that child." (7)
Namaskar,
in Him,
Sulekha
REFERENCES:
1. Subhasita Samgraha - 21
2. Human Society - 1
3. Prout in a Nutshell - 18
4. Human Society - 1
5. Ananda Vacanamrtam - 7
6. Prout in a Nutshell - 1
7. Human Society - 1
The section below demarcated by asterisks is
an entirely different topic,
completely unrelated to the above letter. It stands on
its own as a point of interest.
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Benefit of Dhyana
"Question: If the medicine or mother
tincture required for homoeopathic medicine is prepared in a sentient
environment which contains positive microvita, will the medicine
prepared from that medium or mother tincture have more effect than
ordinary medicine available in the market?""Answer: There is no doubt that the medicine prepared in a sentient environment by sentient people, from a medium or mother tincture which is also prepared in a sentient environment, will attract more positive microvita than ordinary medicines, so it will have a much greater effect in curing a patient."
"If a person contracts a disease caused by negative microvita before initiation and does dhyána sincerely after initiation, the disease will not spread but be contained. However, for different types of diseases one has to follow different food restrictions and practice dhyána at specific times."
"If a person contracts a disease caused
by negative microvita after initiation, does dhyána perfectly and
follows certain food restrictions, the disease will be completely cured.
Dhyána attracts many positive microvita. Negative microvita can only be
controlled by positive microvita. The positive microvita eat the
negative microvita and this is the reason why the disease is cured. For
example, if a person is suffering from jaundice, a disease caused by
negative microvita, and if dhyána is practised perfectly, the disease
will be cured very quickly. In the case of cancer, say stomach cancer,
certain food restrictions will have to be strictly followed. When pain
starts in the stomach one should sit for dhyána, but just prior to this
one should take some juice from a sweet tasting, not a sour tasting
fruit. After performing dhyána, one should take another drink which is
different from the first drink. The patient should also avoid any food
which causes gas in the stomach, such as pappad, cauliflower, cabbage,
turnip, etc." (Microvita in a Nutshell, Questions and Answers on Microvita – Excerpt C)
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