Why Some Marriages Fail in AM

From: Kiran
Date: Thu, 21 Feb 2013 21:53:58
Subject: Why Some Marriages Fail in AM
To: am-global@earthlink.net

Baba

This entire email is composed of 3 parts:
(1) Prabhat Samgiita #2429;
(2) Posting: Why Some Marriages Fail in AM;
(3) Trailer Quote:  Structural Defects May Be The Cause
 Each section is demarcated by asterisks (*).

**** Here begins the Prabhat Samgiita ****

Note: This Prabhat Samgiita is opening the window for how life society will be after the establishment of neo-humanism.


"Sakal duya'r khule dile prabhu, Va'ta'yan-pathe a'lo elo..." (P.S. 2429)


Purport:

O' Parama Purusa, O' Baba, You are so gracious; You have come and opened all the doors and windows, and inundated this world with Your divine effulgence. O' Baba, You are so gracious; You have taken advent and given the divine teaching of neo-humanism and Your universal philosophy. By this way, You have eradicated all dogma and narrow-mindedness. On the eastern horizon the crimson dawn is visible. The darkness has been dispelled. There is a brilliant new era on the rise. The statictiy of narrow-mindedness and misunderstanding is vanishing, by the propagation of Your neo-humanistic philosophy.

O' Divine Entity, in the past there was the domination of dogma and groupism all around. Countless superstitions, rituals and dogmas were doing their naked dance. In the past there was a lot of division and narrow-minded people had the upper-hand. Now the era has changed.

Now, with the presence of Your divine effulgence, in the blink of an eye those creatures of darkness along with their dogmas dissolved into thin air. With the arrival of Ananda Marga philosophy and neo-humanism, the demons cannot spread their venom anymore - they have all been destroyed. O' the Embodiment of effulgence and shelter of all, with Your affection and punishment, scorching heat and cool shade, Your love is vibrant. Irrespective in all these situations - good or bad - tough times or good times - Your grace emanates in various ways. You are always present with Your mood of causeless grace. O' Parama Purusa, You have  only one motive - to help jiivas. In Your divine liila, You create all kinds of events - good and bad - yet everywhere Your well-wishing is present. There is no other motive than the welfare of all. Baba, Your grace is always flowing and showering bliss...

== WHY SOME MARRIAGES FAIL IN AM ==

Namaskar,
Here are more points which I think will be helpful for understanding this entire issue of failed marriages.

BEWARE OF INTEREST GROUPS

1) One should be prudent - even skeptical, about receiving advice from stakeholders - ie sometimes even family margiis also carry a bias. For instance, let's say that in their unit or bhukti, there is a girl or boy nearing 30 years of age and it is obvious that this person needs to get married soon. Then with the intention of supporting them, such people falsely praise that boy or girl up to the sky in order to attract an interested party. Under the notion of helping to marry that older boy or girl, some such people may say things that are not true. Out of sympathy they may say, "Oh he or she is very good and has always been exemplary in our community." When in fact that is not at all true. Just they are saying like that in order to get that person married. Actually they want to help but what they are doing is not at all good. Encouraging false perceptions as will lead to a bad marriage - or the marriage may simply implode or break apart.

FINANCE

2) Finances play a big role in any household. So the boy and girl should have in-depth discussions and get to know each other's lifestyle and views on money. Someone who wishes to live like a king or queen should not marry someone with a sadhu mentality, or vice-versa. There should be clarity on all financial matters including credit, debt, cash allowances etc. The expectations on points of finance should be very clear.

CHILDREN & EDUCATION

3) One of the most defining points of any marriage is child rearing. Ahead of time - before they marry - the boy and girl should discuss how they are going to raise their children. What values will they impose? How far will they goad their child into Ananda Marga way of life? How far will they go to never compromise with dogma? The child must be brought to the path of sadhana at any early age and encouraged in this practice wholeheartedly.

Is one going to let the child play always while the other parent tries to instill a sense of discipline toward spiritual life? Is one going to let the child eat garlic while the other wishes to raise the child on a sentient diet. There are so many points of possible contention.

One must also remember that those children will one day be teenagers. Will you raise a person who will be a slave of pseudo-culture. If so, that teenager may bring meat into your kitchen, alcohol into your study, and harsh, loud music into your sadhana room. If one parent emphasizes spiritual life and the other does not, there are going to be problems - many of them.

So this should be thoroughly discusses beforehand, lest you become a stranger in your own house where your own children have become like non-margiis. In that case, they and your spouse will form a majority vote in your own home. If you do not educate them about our AM way of life from their infancy, this is going to happen.

POINT OF AWARENESS

4) If the groom follows the Indian tradition that females should cook and do all sorts of house chores - if this is his preconceived notion - then it should be be discussed ahead of time.

Here I don't want to debate the which role is proper or improper for the male and female in a marriage, only this is brought as a point of awareness and that discussion ahead of time is helpful.

Otherwise this might be the cause of a marriage break-up.

NATURE OF TRANSITORY WORLD

5) Here is another critical point that the boy and girl must review. They both must be educated about, as well as discuss, how this world is transitory. The beauty they both possess today will not last forever. At any time, they may lose much of that beauty. One might contract some terrible disease like diabetes or multiple sclerosis, or get involved in a road accident etc. So many things can happen. The boy and girl should be told about how this world is transitory; they must understand the impact of this. If anyone gets married based on external beauty that marriage will fall apart. We have seen this so many times. They should discuss with one another how they will treat and regard each other when they are sick, disabled or helpless. Because, after all, their youthfulness and beauty will not last forever. Hearing and seeing this, do they still want to get married.

ANANDA MARGA IDEOLOGY

6) The teachings of Ananda Marga have to be a central aspect of any margii marriage. Both boy and girl have to be of the mind-set that what Baba says on any given topic is the defining opinion.

It is not enough to renounce one's caste and get married. Yes, we have to overcome all caste sentiments etc, but our Ananda Marga ideology encompasses all realms of existence.

Both have to be ready to follow Baba in each and every aspect of life. So when there is any disagreement between the husband and spouse, then the answer must be found in Baba's guideline. And that must be accepted by both as final. This must be discussed ahead of time.

OATH

7) The boy and the girl should be ready to strictly follow the oath of our Ananda Marga marriage: To live like Shiva and Parvatii. This should be formally written down and both the boy and girl should be educated as to what that means and then sign that piece of paper as a veritable contract. This contract must be binding on each and every Ananda Marga marriage. One must be extremely careful and aware if their spouse will Ananda Marga way of life or not.

DO NOT RELY ON WTS FOR MATCH-MAKING

8) It is important to remember that Dadas must NOT act as a mediator for any Ananda Marga marriage. Invariably, Dadas will give preference to the family giving them more money. So if the boy is not interested in AM and drowned in pseudo-culture, that Dada will paint a false picture and say how the boy is spirited and meticulous in 16 pts. This may not happen every time - but certainly there is scope for such issues. It has happened in the past and must be avoided in the future. And the best way to avoid this in the future is not to involve Dadas.

Besides it is not good for our wholetimers to act as matchmakers. In that process some accidentally get themselves matched up and they leave their Wt ship. This also has happened.

Thus for everyone's well being, no Wt should be actively involved in match-making. Rather Wts should refrain from match-making entirely. That is Baba's rule.

TREMENDOUS BENEFIT

By making all of the above perfectly clear between the boy and girl before marriage, then so many misnomers, false perceptions, and bogus expectations will be washed away. The mind will be clear and pointed and one can truly decide whether to marry that person or not. Or should they marry someone else. This will have tremendous benefit in both the personal lives of those who wed as well as in the greater society. People will be successful and productive in their marriages and society will not be plagued by mis-matched marriages and divorce. Mis-matched marriages are commonly looked upon as normal to others, but those involved in that marriage suffer internally and feel like an alien in their own house. Children will not be left shelterless but rather empowered by having dedicated parents who live by a spiritual ideal. Then society can truly be done in the real spirit of the term.

POSITIVE OUTCOME

Some may complain that after reading this now no one will want to get married. They will argue that there are to many stipulations and it is an impossible endeavor. But theirs is not a well-reasoned approach.

We have to remember that when drugs were initially given as medicine then the side effects were never listed and patients were getting harmed. Finally the government intervened and demanded that all medical side effects must be stated. After this judgment, some were concerned that no one will take those medicines if companies are forced to list the side effects. Yet here we are years and decades later, and people still take those medicines and they are aware about the side effects so they can protect themselves. The end result is positive.

Similarly, if people are aware ahead of time about the difficulties of married life, they will be better off. Then they can properly prepare for getting married and select the right spouse and create an ideal family.

Finally, the main idea is that the entire institution of marriage cannot be stopped. It has been going on for thousands of years. It satisfies a basic human need. Thus listing the pitfalls of marriage is not going to deter anyone from getting married. Only it will fortify them with the requisite knowledge to make an educated decision.

NEGATIVE INFLUENCE

After all, we are living in a materialistic society, so what is going on all around affects us. Not only that, we live in world that is dominated by gross materialism where "love" marriages are the norm. Two people get attracted - give in to sensual desires - and then divorce when any problem comes or difficulty arises. Or they leave one another when their become infatuated with someone else.

We must not allow this disease to affect our Ananda Marga way of life. Rather we are to positively affect the greater society.

RESULT OF MIS-MATCHED MARRIAGE

Here Baba graphically points out the fate of those who suffer from mismatched marriages.

Baba says, "The spouse of a certain gentleman that I knew was quite ill-mannered. One winter evening I saw this gentleman sitting quietly at the foot of a tree. I asked him: “Why are you sitting under this tree on a winter evening? You’ll freeze.” He replied: “You know, my young friend, if I go in the house I’ll hear only khankhan jhanhan [unpleasant and disturbing sounds]. It’s a lot more peaceful out here.” (1)

VIVAHA

Baba has graciously given the perfect system for building a great human society. Marriage is one of the key elements. Every marriage within the Marga should be done only after thoughtful consideration. All should be very aware of what marriage means and they should know who they are marrying.

Baba says, "[Shiva] declared that women must be kalatra, which means that women must discharge their obligations to their husbands and their children in such a way that the latter will not have the least difficulty. Those who accepted this new arrangement were declared married...The Sanskrit equivalent for marriage is viváha (vi – vaha + ghaiṋ): it means, after the ceremony, the man and women can no longer live as libertines or as irresponsible so-called family people. They have to discharge their full obligations as bharttá and kalatra, responsible husband and responsible spouse...The liberal meaning of the term viváha is “live one’s life in a new way with a special type of responsibility.” This is the underlying significance of the Shaeva system of marriage." (2)

Namaskar,
In Him,
Kiran


REFERENCES:
1. Varna Vijiana, Disc: 19
2. Namah Shivaya Shantaya, Disc: 9. Shivokti 3

Note LINK TO SIMILAR TOPIC:

Here is a link to an earlier letter on this issue

http://am-global-01.blogspot.com/2013/02/story-of-broken-marriage-infighting.html

The section below demarcated by asterisks is an entirely different topic,
completely unrelated to the above letter. It stands on its own as a point of interest.
**************************************
Structural Defects May Be The Cause

There are all kinds of reasons why people may succumb to dogma. It may happen due to self-interest, cowardly nature, political gain etc. And here Baba points out how it may be due to defects in their physical structure. That may be why they cannot follow Baba.

Baba says, "If there is under-secretion of the hormones of the testes glands, a youth will develop less kindness, and less hair will grow in the armpits and pubic region. If you see a man with these physical characteristics, then and there you can come to a conclusion about the extent of his kindness. Moreover, such a person will most likely support dogma. He will not have the moral strength to protest against dogma (including scriptural dogma), and he will not support a new idea." (Yoga Psychology)

**************************************

Marriage Crisis: West Moving Fast to Matriarchal & Libertine Society

Date: Mon, 19 Nov 2012 20:26:55 -0400
To: am-global@earthlink.net
From: Miguel
Subject: Marriage Crisis: West Moving Fast to Matriarchal & Libertine Society

Baba

MARRIAGE CRISIS:

WEST MOVING FAST TO MATRIARCHAL & LIBERTINE SOCIETY

Namaskar,
These days the trend of living in the west is moving towards the matriarchal system. Due to the libertine way of living, women alone raise most of the children & more and more kids are using their mother's family name, as they do not know who their father is.

There is a crisis going on - and it is only worsening as the libertine ways of capitalist materialism leap frog from one place to the next. And no longer is this issue related only to the west. It is spreading - fast.

Now is the time we need to implement Baba's teachings and ideals. Otherwise society will continue to suffer terribly.

Now is the time we should implement an arranged marriage system - per our Ananda Marga ideals. Hearing this, many of you may be thinking, "Arranged marriages!! That will bring us back to the stone age!" When in fact, the opposite is true. If we fail to provide structured support to women in the marriage process, society will continue to tailspin into that era of old - the libertine system that was in vogue prior to Lord Shiva.

WHY DOES ANANDA MARGA SUPPORT ARRANGED MARRIAGES

AND HOW IS SOCIETY BENEFITED

In Ananda Marga, Baba guides us that we are to maintain the dignity of women. Helping women arrange a marriage will create a stable and dependable future for them - and their offspring. It is a win-win situation. Plus it helps protect men as well as it saves the from degeneration.

Here arranged marriage does not mean that the bride-to-be cannot select their spouse. It does not refer to those archaic weddings of rural India where the bride and groom would not even recognise each other if they saw one another on the way to the wedding. Rather, it refers to a rational approach where both have met and spoken with one another. Furthermore, it is a pathway toward marriage where those watching for the welfare of the girl - her guardians and parents - should help in the process of meeting a suitable spouse. In due course, naturally the boy and girl (or young man and young woman) will meet and talk to see if they feel comfortable with one another. And ultimately, the prospective bride and groom will have the final say. The arranging of the marriage means that the girl need not be on her own to find a spouse.

GIRLS: EMOTIONAL SCARRING & PSYCHOLOGICAL PAIN

Unfortunately, that is what happens now in western, materialistic societies. The girl searches alone for a spouse. And in that process, women repeatedly give in to the sensual desires of men, and most often end up pregnant, and not married. Or they end up in one relationship after another - hoping to find marriage - yet watching the man walk away each time. That leaves the female with emotional scarring and psychological pain. The counseling centers in the west are filled with such victims.

The answer then is to create a system where the well-wishers of the girl and boy gather and talk. It is a collective process where society takes responsibility for the safety, comfort, dignity, and happiness of the girl - and boy. By this way, the bride-to-be need not allow her body to be exploited by libertine males. By this way, there will be no child out of wedlock - lacking a father. By this way the physical, emotional, psychic, and spiritual needs and safety of the girl and her offspring are at the forefront.

Perhaps in another letter, someone can offer more details about how to best implement and oversee an arranged marriage system. Because without it, the way things are going now, it is only from bad to worse.

If you have any doubts at all, please read the following. Then you will see how the present-day libertine approach is sending society back to the stone ages.

STATISTICS OF THIS PRESENT ERA

First, here are some statistics for your review:

- Approximately 84% of custodial parents are mothers;

- 45% of the women are currently divorced or separated;

- 34.2% of the women have never been married;

- Unmarried mothers gave birth to 4 out of every 10 babies born in the United States in 2007, a share that is increasing rapidly both here and abroad;

- 11,000 babies are born daily in the US; at minimum, 4,500 babies are born out of wedlock - without a father. This trend is on the rise.

The situation is dire and what is happening now in the west will soon be happening in the east - as the eastern world is fast copying all of the western social trends.

The irony of all this is that in this ultra-modern era we are fast falling into the ways of those pre-historic humans. Those early humans led libertine lives and now the same thing is going on. It is most ironic that we think of those early humans as being uncivilised and we think of ourselves as being highly civilised, yet on this critical point of promiscuity and child rearing, we share the same negative ways.

ARE WE CIVILISED?

Thus, are we - the present day humans - civilised? That is what we should all consider when reading this letter and reviewing Baba's teachings.

What was so rampant 8000yrs ago is going on today in so-called developed countries. This "loose" lifestyle has become the accepted norm; it is the fashion.

Unmarried boys and girls are sleeping together and producing offspring. Thereafter, males are not taking responsibility for the children.

To understand this fully we must review the history. Then we can properly evaluate if how far we have progressed: Are we civilised or not.

We have to to be alert to the fact that as fast as the selfishness of capitalism is growing, the libertine way of life is spreading all around. Today so many children are born out of wedlock and many will never meet their father. In a decade, almost all will be born without a father. This negative trend is only increasing.

The general society is undergoing the disastrous consequences in the form of sky-rocketing crime and so many other social ills. Because of a lack of parental love, such children cannot grow properly.

BABA'S TEACHINGS & WARNINGS ON LIBERTINE LIFE:

CHILDREN SUFFER THE MOST

Best is to propagate Baba's teaching; due to a blatant lack of knowledge all this is happening.

Baba says, "Long ago there used to be a popular and interesting folktale. In very ancient times, as with other animals, there was no custom of marriage among human beings. As far as it can be ascertained, this situation certainly continued until the middle of the Rgvedic age and likely until towards the end of that age. It was said during that time that there was once a five-year-old boy, the son of a certain sage, who became perplexed when he saw his mother going off with another man and asked his father why his mother was going off with that other fellow like that.

The sage answered his son: “That’s the rule. Any woman can stay with any man whenever she likes. She can also leave him whenever she likes. In the same way, any man can go off with any woman at any time.”

The sage’s son asked: “Then what will I do?”

The sage replied: “Children who are breastfeeding will stay with their mother. Once they become too old for that they can stay wherever they like. Wherever they stay they have to make arrangements for their food in exchange for labour.”

“But that’s no good!” the sage’s young son exclaimed. “No good at all.”

"In most cases, it was generally seen that the father did not bear the responsibility for the maintenance of their offspring or any other kind of responsibility towards them. All responsibility fell on the mother’s shoulders. For this reason wicked men used to put straightforward-natured women into extreme difficulty. The womenfolk used to spend their time under great duress. If not all, at least most of the men did not shoulder any responsibility for their offspring. Most of them were libertine. This is not to say that there were not any libertine woman, but the number of such women was less. Moreover, the affection they felt towards their children was a very strong bond of attachment which they could not easily break. This situation among humans, which was similar to that of animals, had been going on for approximately one million years, that is, human beings appeared about one million years ago."

"The women of that day stood at Shiva’s door and said: “O Sada'shiva, save us from this beastly, distressful condition. There is no man or woman strong enough today to lay down rules in this matter and to put them into practice with a firm hand.” Shiva’s heart melted; he understood their pain. He introduced the custom of marriage and firmly fixed the rights and responsibilities of the father. For the first time human beings felt the contact of a peaceful environment in social life."

"Still some wicked-natured men remained and some libertine women as well. Then, with the help of his followers, Shiva obliged those wicked men to marry by punishing them with the rod and rope. Just as there were libertine men, there were also some libertine women. This libertine group became greatly frightened of Shiva." (Shabda Cayanika - 2; Disc: 10)

BABA'S TEACHINGS & WARNINGS ON LIBERTINE LIFE (CONT)

Here are Baba's further teachings on this point of a libertine society.

Baba says, " At the beginning of evolution, humans used to lead libertine lives without any consideration for family obligations, but they gradually developed a family instinct. However, that family instinct was no different from that of the elephants, lions, pigeons, etc. Due to this inborn instinct, males and females arrived at a loose, but workable compromise regarding family life. But in that there was no sense of responsibility born out of a developed conscience; rather, due to their loose relationships with each other, one person used to desert another and go anywhere he liked. The number of such libertines was very high, and they used to disturb the peace and harmony of the so-called family members and become the cause of many serious quarrels."

"The male libertines would not take responsibility for their offspring. They used to wander freely, and as a result, the entire responsibility for raising the children in their infancy would devolve on the mothers. But it was not possible for the mothers alone to bear the responsibility of maintaining the children, as a result of which many children died in early infancy. Those who survived felt themselves to be in a sea of troubles after they were weaned from their mother’s breast milk. Then they would be deprived of their mother’s love, since she had to take care of the next baby. Those were the days of the prehistoric humans. One should remember that even in those prehistoric days, some portion of the Vedas was composed, chiefly by the so-called family people. The life of the libertines was just like that of the animals." (NSS, Disc: 9, Shivokti-3)

INCREASING PROBLEMS

So long as this trend is in vogue - so long as children are born out of wedlock and fathers are remiss in their responsibilities - as a society we are inviting so many problems. Such children cannot grow properly without proper maternal supervision, care and love. Due to financial pressures, a single mother cannot manage the demands and rigors of parenthood all by herself - in which case children are the big losers. They will come into this world devoid of the requisite love, attention and support to grow properly. And the tragedy is that this situation is on the rise - it will not be long before we are a mirror image of what was going on 8000 years ago.

The cause of libertine life in the prehistoric era was ignorance and today the cause is selfishness, but the result is the same. When all is said and done, it is the children who suffer most. And that has a most disastrous effect on society.

BABA'S BLESSING

By Baba's grace we should all be aware of this problem and work to solve it. The Ananda Marga arranged marriage system would help tremendously. The present-day libertine epidemic should not be a surprise to us. We should clearly understand what is at stake and side by side help society to improve.

Namaskar,
Liilavati & Mantreshvar

Note: SOCIETY BUILDING IN ANANDA MARGA

The Ananda Marga marriage system is for society building. Marriage is a means to raising a family; it is not just for sex. If children are not born and raised properly, then society itself will become aged and die; a healthy, new generation is always needed. That enables society to grow. The Ananda Marga marriage system focuses on the welfare of the child; children are not a mere by-product of lust etc. Our approach is that marriage is for the proper nurturing and growth of the child. So they develop into great citizens and sadhakas.

PRABHAT SAMGIITA

Intro to PS: In this song the devotee is innocently sharing his inner heart feeling about that most loving Entity, Parama Purusa. Yet, unbeknownst to
him, the very Personality whom the devotee is communicating with is none other than Parama Purusa Himself. So that is the unique aspect of this song. 

"A'ma'r gopan kathá jene niyeche"   (PS 1272)

Purport:

My Parama Purusa is my most close and most dear; He is surrounding me in all the ways; I remain under His eternal shelter. He understands all the vibrations of my mind, all the feelings of my heart - all my secret tales. He knows me inside and out; He is aware about everything. 

He understands the pain and longing of my heart; He knows what is good for me and what is bad for me; what is for my welfare; and, what I should and should not do. All these things He understands well. Parama Purusa is my everything - He is my Guardian.

Indeed my entire existence is within the palm of His hand. He knows everything about me. Whatever I try hide to from Him cannot remain hidden for long; everything gets exposed. Because He is well aware about my situation. Whatever I think, He understands. Nothing can be hidden from Him. Everything is within His reach. He brings everything into the light of His awareness.  

He resides in the depths of my heart. And by His remaining there, my whole being gets saturated by His divine presence. So He is my most dear One. In my inner-heart and inner-mind He whispers sweet, loving things into my ears.  

Parama Purusa is living in my heart and He knows everything. Indeed He is more aware about my whole existence than I am myself. And He constantly guides me and keeps me under His loving care and shelter. In that way I am moving - I feel so blessed...

Marry or Not Marry

Date: Sun, 27 May 2012 22:34:55 -0600
To: AM-GLOBAL
From: "Punya'tman Deva"
Subject: Marry or Not Marry

Baba

"A'lo jhariye madhu ks'ariye a'ndha'r sa'riye tumi esecho..."   (P.S. 1233)

Purport:

Baba, You have come and by Your divine advent You are showering effulgence, exuding nectar, and wiping away all darkness. Baba, You have come - making the flowers blossom & graciously spreading happiness and bliss to one and all. Baba, by Your august arrival, everyone's hopes and longings have been fulfilled.

Baba, O my Lord, living beings were awakened by the deep yearning and melancholic longing in their heart. In the anticipation & hope of Your arrival, they awakened and began watching for Your arrival - constantly looking towards Your path. Baba, the painful longing of devotees resonated in Your heart and You could no longer remain distant. Baba, You
have come and You are graciously pouring the basket of love - satisfying everyone's heart. The sleeping humanity has gotten new life by Your grace.

Baba, that river which dried up and evaporated, and that song which was lost in the oblivion, the current of that very river and the tune of those songs You have graciously brought along with You. [1]

Baba due to Your august advent You have inundated each and every heart with the nectar of devotion. This is Your causeless grace...


END NOTES FOR PRABHAT SAMGIITA #1233:

[1] The inner idea is that when Parama Purusa comes and saturates the heart with deep devotion, then all those feelings of love, which had dried up, start to blossom. In the above song, the river signifies the flow of devotion and the song and melody refers to that subtler expression of devotional feeling.

== MARRY OR NOT MARRY ==

Namaskar,

Baba says, "In the opinion of Ananda Marga every individual has complete freedom in matters of marriage... Those who are constantly engaged in the fulfillment of an ideal, or those who have to spend the greater part of their day in...some mental occupation should not marry, because they will not find it possible to fulfill their family commitments properly. The marriage of such people is harmful to the society in many cases." (Guide to Human Conduct, '91 Edn, p.19)

In our Marga there is a dogma that either one should become a wt or get married. Yet in the practical sense everyone knows that just wearing the saffron dress does not mean dedication. There are many wts who are exclusively "dedicated" for their own stomach - or for power, post, and their groupist agenda.

Only those workers dedicated for the propagation of Ananda Marga ideology are true wts.

In contrast, on other side, there are many margiis who are completely focused on ideology and dedicated to our holy AM adarsha. That is why after getting married they are unable to properly look after their marital and family responsibilities. In result their children end up not liking or even blaming Ananda Marga.

About such cases, Baba has given the clear mandate that it would have been best if such ideologically-minded margiis would have remained single, and not married. 

Namaskar,
Punya'tman Deva

Marriage and Problem

From: "Satiish K Bhatia"
To: am-global@earthlink.net
Subject: Marriage and Problem
Date: Tue, 15 May 2012 21:24:52 +0530

Baba

"Ga'n geye ja'bo..." P.S. 2305

Purport:

Baba, O' Supreme Entity, I will go on singing Your song - Your glory. It's up to You whether You grace me by listening to these songs or not. But with these songs, in the depths of my contemplation, I will generate divine vibrations, by Your grace - and go on serving You.

Baba, with my deep yearning, I am calling You again and again without getting any response - You are not paying heed to my call. By avoiding me maybe You are thinking that I will not sing Your song anymore and that I will remain quiet. And that in frustration, I will give up the hope of getting You. And that I will no longer engage in the flow of those divine tunes and melodies, which is inundating the vast sky, by Your grace. And that I will not utilize these melodious treasures in my practical life to go closer to You.

Baba, with the strength of knowledge, wisdom, intellect, and worldly attributions, Your depth cannot be measured - nobody can realise You. By surrendering that very unit "I" which already belongs to You, and with the divine sweetness of singing Your name, I will surely get You, by Your grace.

Baba, I sing my songs only for You. Please, listen to these heart-felt loving melodie - and be gracious...


Note: In the above song, the sadhaka has deep love and a strong yearning for Parama Purusa. So when Parama Purusa does not respond to his call in the way that he desires, then the sadhaka makes one loving accusation towards Parama Purusa. So actually that is not an accusation per se, but rather an intimate type of loving expression. And Baba is approving that devotees have the right to do like this and that this loving way of communication is quite natural.

== MARRIAGE AND PROBLEM ==

Namaskar,
Here Baba has given a few guidelines about marriage eligibility.

Baba says, "At the time of marriage the bridge and bridegroom should not have any direct relationship three generations above and three generations below. If this condition is not met, the marriage should not be solemnised." (Ananda Vacanamrtam-7, p.57)

In the above quotation Baba has given strict guidelines for members of the general society regarding marriage. The idea of no direct relation three generations up means that there must not be any blood relation between the parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents of the bride and the groom. That is the meaning of three generations up. And three generations down means no blood relation between the families of the bride and groom from their children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.

For instance, suppose the young boy of one family wants to marry the grand-daughter of his uncle then such a marriage could not be condoned. Similarly if the bride and bridegroom are planning to marry but if the great grandfather of the groom was the cousin of the great grandfather of the bride then such a marriage must not be permitted. So in AM for a marriage to be approved one of the distinct conditions is no direct relation three generations up and three generations down.

BIRTH DEFECTS

Around the globe there are various clans, countries and religions which do not follow the above mentioned rule. Instead they arrange marriages where the bridge and bridegroom have direct blood relation and that outcome of this is disastrous. It causes brain disorders, genetic abnormalities, onset of chronic diseases like cancer, and so many other problems and difficulties. This the well-documented fact. Everyone knows that Baba's guidelines are deeply meaningful, whether He has opted to give a full explanation or not. On this point of marriage, these serious health issues are the main reason why this rule has been given. As margiis our duty is to convince members of the general society not to commit such blunder because that will only invited disastrous diseases into their family. On this point everyone should cooperate to make this a happy and healthy universe.

WHAT HAPPENS IN SOME RELIGIONS

In the dogmatic religion of Islam their only restriction on the point of marriage is that the mother's milk must be different between the bridge and the bridegroom. If this requirement is met then they can marry. But this creates huge problems. Because many Muslim men have 4 wives. In this way the male and female offspring of the same father often marry each other. In such marriages birth defects and diseases like cerebral palsy are rampant. This is not only the case with Muslims but also with orthodox Jews, Mormons, indigenous people, tribal communities, Bible believers, and various other sections of the population around the globe.

Namaskar,
Satiish Deva

Re: Goenka: I Have No Interest in Revolutionary Marriages

To: AM-GLOBAL
Subject: Re: Goenka: I Have No Interest in Revolutionary Marriages
Date: Sat 25 Jun 2011 17:29:36 +0500 (IST)
From: Ram Sahay Deva

Baba

== RE: GOENKA: I HAVE NO INTEREST IN REVOLUTIONARY MARRIAGES ==

Namaskar,
One of the key points of building one human society is our revolutionary marriage system which was specially given by Baba. This is an essential way for bringing people together and creating a harmonious society.

As has been clearly detailed in earlier postings (see links below), the Goenka clan has resisted Baba's divine guideline of revolutionary marriages. Instead they have glued themselves to their own caste and community. This has been going on from generation to generation.

Yet, by His below teachings, Baba guides us that revolutionary marriages are needed in order to do AM pracara and build a healthy social order. Without revolutionary marriages, these two aims cannot be achieved. We see then how important they are.

You can decide for yourself the quality of the person who intentionally rejects Baba's teaching and instead arranges caste marriages.

One margii has contributed the following teachings by writing a summary in English of Baba's below quotes from Hindi discourses. (Note: If you are unable to read the Hindi font in this email, kindly refer to the attached PDF file.)

BABA'S TEACHINGS ON REVOLUTIONARY MARRIAGES

Baba says, "You will have to struggle against dogma. And not just by saying dogma is bad, no. By your own actions, you will have to show you reject dogma. I will tell all that we need to create a human society as soon as possible. 

Everywhere in the world A'nandama'rga praca'ra will have to be done even more strongly. And for this, two things are needed. For creating a society more and more revolutionary marriages are needed. ... And those who are guardians, mothers and fathers, have your sons and daughters do revolutionary marriage and thereby show that you are against dogma. You should fear no one. If your duty is not accomplished by individual effort, then move ahead collectively. There is no cause for fear. I am with you." (Summary of the below Hindi)

तुम लोग dogma के ख़िलाफ़ सङ्ग्राम करते रहोगे | और केवल—मुँह से बोलोगे कि dogma ख़राब है—सो नहीं | अपने करके दिखला दोगे कि—तुम dogma को नापसन्द करते हो | 

हम तो सबसे कहेंगे कि हम लोगों को जल्द से जल्द समाज बना लेना है | और, दुनिया में सर्वत्र आनन्दमार्ग का प्रचार और ज़ोरदार करना है | इसके लिए चाहिए दो | समाज बनाना है, इसलिए अधिक से अ&
#2343;िक revolutionary marriage चाहिए |  ...

और, जो लोग guardian हो, माता-पिता हो, अपने बटे-बेटी को revolutionary marriage करके दिखला दो कि—तुम dogma के ख़िलाफ़ हो | घबड़ाओ नहीं, किसी से डरो नहीं | अपने वैयष्टिक प्रयास से अगर नहीं हुआ, सामूहिक प्रयास से करो
; | घबड़ाने की कोई बात नहीं है | और हम तोरा सिनी रो साथ छियो | 

क्रान्तिकारी विवाह
(Kra'ntika'rii Viva'ha, Deoghar, 08 Jan 84 General Darshan)

Here is another of Baba's divine teachings on this key point.

Baba says, "Get more and more revolutionary marriages done. And, what should brave youths and their parents do? Put an ending to casteism, pulverize it to dust with the force of their blows. Build one human society, and deliver the message of Ananda Marga to all the corners of the world. And for this, maximum whole timer workers are also needed. So create more and more whole timer workers. And by creating more and more revolutionary marriages, make the society strong." (Summary of the below Hindi)

अधिक से अधिक revolutionary marriage करा लो | और जो हिम्मतवार लड़के हैं, वे, उनके guardian, उनके माता; वे लोग क्या करें ? जात-पाँत को लात से ख़त्म कर दो, चूर-चूर कर दो | एक समाज, एक दल, एक मज़बूत समाज बना लो और हम लो& #2327;ों को दुनिया के कोने-कोने में आनन्दमार्ग का पैगाम पहुँचा देना है | इसलिए अधिक से अधिक सङ्ख्या में whole timer worker की भी जरूरत है | कोई whole timer worker बनो | कोई revolutionary marriage करके समाज को मज़बूत बना दो |

(14 Jan 1984, Patna)

Namaskar,
Ram Sahay

Note: LINKS TO EARLIER POSTINGS ON THIS TOPIC

http://am-global-01.blogspot.com/2011/06/goenka-i-have-no-interest-in.html

http://am-global-01.blogspot.com/2011/06/re-goenka-i-have-no-interest-in.html

http://am-global-01.blogspot.com/2011/04/baba-story-about-serious-injustice.html

A Query About Marriage

Date: 05 Feb 2011 11:43:29 -0000
From: "Acintya  Deva"
To: am-global@earthlink.net
Subject: A Query About Marriage

Baba

                ==  A QUERY ABOUT MARRIAGE  ==

Namaskar,
Is it really true that LFT's must get married? Because many have noticed
how Dadas are highly concerned on this point and they often convince LFT's
to either (a) get married or (b) in straight way those Acaryas inject in
the minds of those LFT's that 'if you want to remain celibate then become
WT'.

Under these circumstances, most of the time ultimately those LFTs do get
married. And by this way gradually our LFT system has gotten ruined or
paralysed. And the reason is obvious: In this modern world, doing social
service work full-time and simultaneously looking after one's unit family
life and caring for the children is not possible.


                 LFT LIFE AND MARRIED LIFE DO NOT MIX

So we have seen that those inspired youths who were engaged in full-time
service to the society on the platform of AM, until they were married their
role and output was very good. They were hard working & dedicated. But as
soon as those same LFTs got married, they felt themselves surrounded by
innumerable personal problems of their own family, children, etc.

Then, struggling in this way between the two commitments of LFT and family
life, neither could they do full-time social service nor could they look
after their family life properly. In result their own children got
negatively affected and started hating AM.

Many examples are there of this - especially in India - where married LFT's
continue in their dedicated work for AM but in that way their family got
disturbed in many ways. Partly because they hardly had any income and also
because of lack of time spent with the family. Then in that case the
children see that they are not getting what others have-- not proper
clothes, education, or money and ultimately under such conditions they get
one negative impression of AM. The children feel that AM is the cause
of all their problems.


                        OTHER EFFECTS  
      
Furthermore I personally know so many LFT's who started suffering from
an inferiority complex. On the mundane level - i.e. earning money, worldly
comforts, family education - they felt they were not doing good. In that state
of mind when one is filled with an inferiority complex, it is impossible to
give the balm of peace to the suffering humanity.

Because if someone is suffering from psychic ailments of their own, then
how can they remove those same ailments in others' lives. It is commonly
seen how many LFTs after getting married became so self-occupied & drowned by
their personal and own family problems.

And they did not have the time or opportunity to think on the matter of
social service. So on both the fronts they lost: Their marriage suffered
and their LFT life suffered.

Because they were leading the life of LFT so they did not care about the proper
job or earningsource. So when they were suddenly forced / convinced to marry,
then in a flash the situation went from positive to very negative.

We are also aware about many LFTs who worked for some time as LFT without
caring for their worldly qualifications and after getting married they
started feeling the need of proper money and job. In which case some of
them started feeling repentance that why they became LFT. And they began
questioning themselves that why they did not care about own career, degree,
diploma or proper job earlier. Because now their married life became one
nightmare.

So these are some of the common concerns, difficulties and problems related
to LFT life in our organization these days.


                         BABA'S GUIDELINE

Now let us see what our Guru says, then this disputed matter can be solved.
Because in this world everyone has their own logic. So if we investigate
what is Baba's eternal truth and we keep that view in mind and start our
discussion then the outcome will be healthy.


             REMAINING CELIBATE AS LFT IS A DHARMIC STAND,

                          IT IS NOT SINFUL
       
So on this point Baba has given a very significant and in-depth teaching in
the Namah Shivaya Shantaya book, section Shivokti 3. In this following
teaching Baba's guideline is very straight forward. It does not have any
ambiguity nor is it convoluted. In clear-cut language Baba teaches us that
those who want to do something great for the general society or for the
welfare of one and all should remain unmarried.

Baba says, "Those who want to shoulder a greater responsibility out of the
dictates of a noble and great ideology and find it impossible to accept the
bondages of family life, should remain single." (NSS, p. 115)

So Baba's teaching is very clear and we have seen in the practical life
also that when LFTs are bound in marriage then it is very difficult for
them to wholeheartedly serve and give 100% time for the cause of the entire
humanity.


                            LFT vs LPT

One other point: If LFTs are involved both in their own family problems
and in for problems of general society then it means that they are
not giving full time. And in that condition they cannot be called as local
full-time worker-- their situation will be LPT (Local Part-Time).

Because when the full form of the abbreviation of LFT means Local Full
Timer, then surely they have to give full-time otherwise they will not be
LFT. And full time cannot be given when one is in the bond of family life.
That is why LFT and married life are not working together.

So we have to think on this very point. Because nowadays our LFT system is
basically defunct. Means whatever was existing got deteriorated; and
whatever was existing lost its vitality.
                                                   

                        NEED OF THE HOUR

The demand of the time is to create more & more LFTs because LFTs are the
full-time link between the common mass and WTs. Reason being LFTs are more
aware about their own local areas than WTs. So if our LFT structure is
functioning properly then our WTs will more easily manage our social
service programs of Ananda Marga. Otherwise, without the help of LFTs, when
Wts are transferred to new places then they face enormous problem to start
everything from the beginning.


                         BABA'S BLESSING

While there is much work to be done on this earth, by Baba's fathomless and
with a solid AMPS structure-- including a healthy LFT cadre-- success is
assured.

Baba says, "Move ahead and wage war against all difficulties, every
impediment. Victory is sure to embrace you. Difficulties and encumbrances
cannot be more powerful than your capacity to solve them. You are all
children of the great Cosmic Entity." (PNS-6, p.30)

brotherly,
Acintya


Note 1:            PRESSURED BY WHOLE-TIMERS

Get married= WTs are telling or preaching to LFTs that either you
get married or become WT. There are some cases where LFTs do not like to
become WT b/c while living with Wts those LFTs saw first-hand many of the
negativities and Himalayan problems that WTs undergo, and their way of
exploitation to others and by others to them. So because of living close by
WTs and seeing all those things, then in that case many LFTs do not feel
comfortable to join along as a WT. This is one of the reasons. And those
LFTs who decide not to marry and remain as LFT then pressure comes 'You
have to have marry otherwise I push you to be WT. Choose either one. You
cannot remain as LFT and unmarried'. In this situation innocent LFTs feel
themselves to be in an awkward situation. They find themselves standing on
one small rock between one chasm and one ocean. And with pressed mind in
uncomfortable state they half-hearted resolve that, 'Oh, oh okay, if I have
to opt one then I have to choose married life.'


Note 2:            PERSONAL PERSPECTIVE

I have seen here in India that those LFTs who are unmarried, their
work is excellent. Since long time they are continuing their services and
welfare activities unhindered. But unfortunately those who got married
either they left their LFT ships or got plunged into the quagmire of family
life and they became dysfunctional in deep organisational involvement. So
they became liability on both the sides: family life and organisational life.
Here we can conclude that married life is needed and important for aspect
of society building; but for LFT's it is proved as impractical.


Note 3:            CRITICAL MISUNDERSTANDING

The root cause behind this entire LFT issue is the following
defective mentality: 'That we WTs are dedicated & no one else can be
treated as a dedicated'. This sort of misunderstanding is the cause of
ruining the LFT structure.

When we know the truth is that LFTs can and should be just as dedicated as
WTs, because dedication is not something external only. That is why there
are many cases where it looks like someone is fully dedicated but in
reality that person is self-engrossed and involved only in their own belly.
So superficially they dedicated in that they wear the dress, but
practically they are not.

The point is that the dedication of sincere LFT is equally important as
that of good WTs. And when LFTs are allowed and encouraged to express their
dedication then great things can be done for Baba's mission.


Baba

PS Intro: This following song is for teaching to non-margiis because it is
a song in reverence to Lord Krsna. Baba has written this particular Prabhat
Samgiita for devotees of Sri Krsna. In contrast, we Ananda Margiis are
fully devoted to Baba, Lord Shrii Shrii Anandamurtiji, so when we sing with
our devotional heart then we sing to Baba-- not Lord Krsna. In that case we
select one of the innumerable dhyana songs related with Baba. The point
being that for true devotees Ista is one and only one. For more about
pointed devotion and strictness in Ista refer to Baba's colorful
explanation of the shloka, 'Shriinathe...', from AV-23, p.118.


                                  PRABHAT SAMGIITA

"Ka'nu binu tha'ka' na'hi ja'y..."   (P.S. 3355)

Purport:

  Without Lord Krsna, life is very miserable-- surviving itself is very
difficult. Because Lord Krsna is that glittering Personality of my heart so
when He is not present then I suffer terribly from the pain of restlessly
longing for Him.
  Day and night every moment I hear His flute in my heart. With the sound
of that  flute, Lord Krsna is telling me that He loves me. And He tells me,
'I love you, that is why I am calling you'. 
   The flow of my life is ensconced in His ideation and it goes on fighting
strongly against the deep fog and it is rushing with the high tide in a
hundred directions by His grace. 
   My life is very painful in the absence of Lord Krsna...



         ******************************************
                      Time of Eating

Baba says, "This rainy season cucumber is called shashakphalam. This
shashaka phala is a favourite food of the shashaka (in English, "hare").
For this reason its name became shashaka phala. However, one shouldn't
think by this that rabbits don't also love to eat cucumbers."

"Cucumbers which are not grown in the rainy season, but which are grown on
scaffolds rather than being allowed to creep along the ground are also
called shashaka phala. If this shashaka variety of cucumber is left to
creep along the ground then it easily falls prey to insect attacks and its
fruit is destroyed." (SC-3, Disc 19)


Note 1: According to Baba, it is highly beneficial if the small variety of
cucumber is eaten in the morning up to 11 o'clock. That is very good. And
in fact the earlier in the day it is taken the better; and guava falls in a
similar category. If such foods are eaten in the afternoon and late hours,
then it causes cough and cold. This idea Baba has guided in various
discourses / acarya diary.

Note 2: This cucumber is found around the globe and people use it in
salads; that is why it is important topic to discuss with one and all.
         ******************************************

Why Marriages Fail: Part 2

Date: Sun, 31 Oct 2010 06:29:49 -0000 (GMT)
From: Singh_Manindra
Subject: Why Marriages Fail: Part 2
To: AM-GLOBAL

== WHY MARRIAGES FAIL ==

~ PART 2 ~

(this is the continuation...)


DO NOT RELY ON WTS FOR MATCH-MAKING

3) It is important to remember that Dadas must NOT act as a mediator for any Ananda Marga marriage. Invariably, Dadas will give preference to the family giving them more money. So if the boy is not interested in AM and drowned in pseudo-culture, that Dada will paint a false picture and say how the boy is spirited and meticulous in 16 pts. This may not happen every time - but certainly there is scope for such issues. It has happened in the past and must be avoided in the future. And the best way to avoid this in the future is not to involve Dadas.

Besides it is not good for our wholetimers to act as matchmakers. In that process some accidentally get themselves matched up and they leave their Wt ship. This also has happened.

Thus for everyone's well being, no Wt should be actively involved in match-making. Rather Wts should refrain from match-making entirely. That is Baba's rule.

BEWARE OF INTEREST GROUPS

4) One should be prudent - even skeptical, about receiving advice from stakeholders - ie sometimes family margiis also carry a bias. For instance, let's say that in their unit or bhukti, there is a girl or boy nearing 30 years of age and it is obvious that this person needs to get married soon. Then with the intention of supporting them, such people falsely praise that boy or girl up to the sky in order to attract an interested party. Under the notion of helping to marry that older boy or girl, some such people may say things that are not true. Out of sympathy they may say, "Oh he or she is very good and has always been exemplary in our community." When in fact that is not at all true. Just they are saying like that in order to get that person married. Actually they want to help but what they are doing is not at all good. Encouraging false perceptions as will lead to a bad marriage - or the marriage may simply implode or break apart.

FINANCE

5) Finances play a big role in any household. So the boy and girl should have in-depth discussions and get to know each other's lifestyle and views on money. Someone who wishes to live like a king or queen should not marry someone with a sadhu mentality, or vice-versa. There should be clarity on all financial matters including credit, debt, cash allowances, and so much more. The expectations on points of finance should be very clear.

CHILDREN & EDUCATION

6) One of the most defining points of any marriage is child rearing. Ahead of time - before they marry - the boy and girl should discuss how they are going to raise their children. What values will they impose? How far will they goad their child into Ananda Marga way of life? How far will they go to never compromise with dogma? The child must be brough to the path of sadhana at any early age and encouraged in this practice wholeheartedly.

Is one going to let the child play always while the other parent tries to instill a sense of discipline toward spiritual life? Is one going to let the child eat garlic while the other wishes to raise the child on a sentient diet. There are so many points of possible contention.

One must also remember that those children will one day be teenagers. Will you raise a person who will be a slave of pseudo-culture. If so, that teenager may bring meat into your kitchen, alcohol into your study, and crude, loud music into your sadhana room. If one parent emphasizes spiritual life and the other does not, there are going to be problems - many of them.

So this should be thoroughly discusses beforehand, lest you become a stranger in your own house where your own children have become like non-margiis. In that case they and your spouse will form a majority vote in your own home. If you do not educate them about our AM way of life from their infancy, this is going to happen.

NATURE OF TRANSITORY WORLD

7) Here is another critical point that the boy and girl must review. They both must be educated about, as well as discuss, how this world is transitory. The beauty they both possess today will not last forever. At any time, they may lose much of that beauty. One might contract some terrible disease like diabetes or multiple sclerosis, or get involved in a road accident etc. So many things can happen. The boy and girl should be told about how this world is transitory; they must understand the impact of this. If anyone gets married based on external beauty that marriage will fall apart. We have seen this so many times. They should discuss with one another how they will treat and regard each other when they are sick, disabled or helpless. Because, after all, their youthfulness and beauty will not last forever. Hearing and seeing this, do they still want to get married.

AM IDEOLOGY

8) The teachings of Ananda Marga have to be a central aspect of any margii marriage. Both boy and girl have to be of the mind-set that what Baba says on any given topic is the defining opinion.

It is not enough to renounce one's caste and get married. Yes, we have to overcome all caste sentiments etc, but our AM ideology encompasses all realms of existence.

Both have to be ready to follow Baba in each and every aspect of life. So when there is any disagreement between the husband and wife, then the answer must be found in Baba's guideline. And that must be accepted by both as final. This must be discussed ahead of time.

OATH

9) The boy and the girl should be ready to strictly follow the oath of our AM marriage: To live like Shiva and Parvatii. This should be formally written down and both the boy and girl should be educated as to what that means and then sign that piece of paper as a veritable contract. This contract must be binding on each and every AM marriage. One must be extremely careful and aware if their spouse will Ananda Marga way of life or not.

TREMENDOUS BENEFIT

By making all of the above perfectly clear between the boy and girl before marriage, then so many misnomers, false perceptions, and bogus expectations will be washed away. The mind will be clear and pointed and one can truly decide whether to marry that person or not. Or should they marry someone else. This will have tremendous benefit in both the personal lives of those who wed as well as in the greater society. People will be successful and productive in their marriages and society will not be plagued by mis-matched marriages and divorce. Mis-matched marriages are commonly looked upon as normal to others, but those involved in that marriage suffer internally and feel like an alien in their own house. Children will not be left shelterless but rather empowered by having dedicated parents who live by a spiritual ideal. Then society can truly be done in the real spirit of the term.

RESULT OF MIS-MATCHED MARRIAGE

Here Baba graphically points out the fate of those who suffer from mismatched marriages.

Baba says, "The wife of a certain gentleman that I knew was quite ill-mannered. One winter evening I saw this gentleman sitting quietly at the foot of a tree. I asked him: “Why are you sitting under this tree on a winter evening? You’ll freeze.” He replied: “You know, my young friend, if I go in the house I’ll hear only khankhan jhanhan [unpleasant and disturbing sounds]. It’s a lot more peaceful out here.” (Varna Vijiana, Disc: 19)

BABA'S BLESSING

By Baba's grace He has given the perfect system for building a great human society. Marriage is one of the key elements. Every marriage within the Marga should be done only after thoughtful consideration. All should be very aware of what marriage means and they should know who they are marrying.

Baba says, "[Shiva] declared that women must be kalatra, which means that women must discharge their obligations to their husbands and their children in such a way that the latter will not have the least difficulty. Those who accepted this new arrangement were declared married...The Sanskrit equivalent for marriage is viváha (vi – vaha + ghaiṋ): it means, after the ceremonially, the man and women can no longer live as libertines or as irresponsible so-called family people. They have to discharge their full obligations as bharttá and kalatra, responsible husband and responsible wife...The liberal meaning of the term viváha is “live one’s life in a new way with a special type of responsibility.” This is the underlying significance of the Shaeva system of marriage." (NSS, Disc: 9. Shivokti 3)

Namaskar,
Manindra

Note 1: NOT A JUSTIFIED CLAIM

After reading the above, some may complain that now no one will want to get married. They will argue that there are to many stipulations and it is an impossible endeavor. But theirs is not a well-reasoned approach.

We have to remember that when drugs were initially given as medicine then the side effects were never listed and patients were getting harmed. Finally the government intervened and demanded that all medical side effects must be stated. After this judgment, some were concerned that no one will take those medicines if companies are forced to list the side effects. Yet here we are years and decades later, and people still take those medicines and they are aware about the side effects so they can protect themselves. The end result is positive.

Similarly, if people are aware ahead of time about the difficulties of married life, they will be better off. Then they can properly prepare for getting married and select the right spouse and create an ideal family.

Finally, the main idea is that the entire institution of marriage cannot be stopped. It has been going on for thousands of years. It satisfies a basic human need. Thus listing the pitfalls of marriage is not going to deter anyone from getting married. Only it will fortify them with the requisite knowledge to make an educated decision.

Note 2: NEGATIVE INFLUENCE

After all, we are living in a materialistic society, so what is going on all around affects us. Not only that, we live in world that is dominated by gross materialism where "love" marriages are the norm. Two people get attracted - give in to sensual desires - and then divorce when any problem comes or difficulty arises. Or they leave one another when their become infatuated with someone else.

We must not allow this disease to affect our Ananda Marg away of life. Rather we are to positively affect the greater society.

Note 3: WRITE IN WITH YOUR SUGGESTIONS

This is an ongoing discussion so please write in with your thoughts and suggestions.