== REMAIN AWARE ABOUT YOUR CHILD'S PROBLEM ==
Namaskar,
As parents, the easiest thing to do is to get caught up in our own lives
and lose sight of what our children are really going through. This is
especially true in this age of extreme materialism and busyness. Being a
parent, counselor and spouse, this has become a big issue in our
household and neighborhood.
Of course, as Ananda Margiis, we are, in general, far better off in this
regard than the mainstream citizens. Daily meditation affords us the
time and space to reflect and feel that inner link with Parama Purusa.
That softens the heart and brings life into focus.
At the same time, in my week I come across many cases where families are
caught up in the tidal wave of materialism. In that storm, the
children's needs get pushed aside, or even lost entirely.
One critical point that comes up again and again is kids getting bullied
at school. Bullying comes in the forms of children getting beaten up,
threatened, scared, abused, teased, ridiculed, humiliated etc. To brush
these incidents off as just meagre occurrences is an injustice to our
children. Bullying has devastating short-term and long-terms effects on
our kids. It must not be tolerated.
Here is a look at the causes, effects, and solutions to this problem of
bullying. Please be mindful of this issue in your area with your kids
and do share your thoughts on this important topic.
BULLYING: WHY AN IMPORTANT ISSUE
At first, as a reader you might think that when there are so many
gigantic problems in the world, why spend time talking about this issue
of bullying. After all the economy, women's rights, wars, devastation,
and so much more - why then talk about bullying.
The answer is simple. Most of the problems in the world are due to human
neglect. We need proper people to turn things around. Yet those who get
bullied as kids suffer both short-term and long-term issues - severely
impacting their human growth and development. Bullying is completely
traumatic and affects one's relations, life choices, sleep, dreams,
self-esteem, psychic constitution and so much more.
After all, as a child, one's entire life revolves around school and
friends. And if that world is shattered due to bullying it is tantamount
to an adult losing their career, getting a divorce, being exiled from
their church or community, or losing all one's personal property. A
child's existence at school is central to who they are. If their
prestige and stature is squashed in school, then that shakes their whole
existence to the very bone. Those experiences can scar them for life.
Plus bullying is two-way street; both parties are hampered.
Those who get bullied feel inferior, inconfident, shaky, worried and
more. That can last for decades - or even their whole life. Those who do
the bullying often grow up as quarrelsome, mal-adjusted people who spoil
the society wherever they go.
Hence, the issue is a big one with far-ranging effects. None should
naively think that what happens in the schoolyard gets left in the
school yard. Rather those feelings and events get dragged through one's
entire life. As adults, it is our duty to know what is going on with our
kids - lest they fall by the wayside and get submerged into so many
problems like bullying. We should be critically aware if bullying is
going on with our kids and take it as a major event if it is happening.
CHILDREN: PROPER ATTENTION NEEDED
In brief, let's take a look at Baba's approach to the education and
development of our children.
We all know that Baba places tremendous emphasis on early childhood
development. To that end, Baba wants us to have pre-schools and
elementary schools in all towns and villages around the globe. And He
also places great importance on the role of parents.
Baba says, "It must be the teachers’ responsibility to impart knowledge,
teach restraint in social life, and give instruction about all the
various aspects of collective endeavour, but the parents will have to
take on most of the responsibility for the moral and spiritual education
of the child." (HS-1)
Thus in our schools and in our homes, children are to be surrounded by
loving, caring, responsible adults who are tuned in to the needs,
problems and yearnings of our youths. And from an early age they are to
be introduced to the ways of neo-humanism and a cosmic outlook.
If from the very beginning children feel a sense of connection to others
around them and to the universe as a whole, they will feel they have a
place in this world. They will feel loved and share love with others,
seeing all as their family members. They will feel like they are a part
of humanity - not alienated by it.
For these reasons and more Baba places a grand emphasis on the early
experiences of children, both inside and outside of school. If the child
has this proper base, then bullying - and so many other childhood issues
that abound today - will never be an issue in their life.
WHAT IS HAPPENING IN MATERIALISM
AND HOW IT LEADS TO BULLYING
Unfortunately, now in this materialistic era, the real needs of children
are often ignored both at home and in school. Today, children are a mere
by-product of sexual lust. Often the parents are not married and are
"upset" that they got pregnant. And in the case of married people, they
are quick to get the baby out of their own bedroom and into a separate
room so they - the married couple - can resume their sensual nights and
not be disturbed by a baby.
Here the main critical aspect is that children come into this world and
are not wanted, loved, and embraced in the way that is needed for them
to grow properly. This is perhaps the most dangerous outcome of
materialism and affects the whole society. And the root cause is extreme
selfishness.
Because parents are too busy with their own jobs, because adults are too
sunk in their own sensual pleasures, because those parents were often
themselves ignored as kids, and for so many other reasons, children
often grow up in a whirlpool of isolation, desperately wondering if they
are loved or not.
These following letters address this pervasive problem.
http://am-global-01.blogspot.com/2008/10/current-trend-neglected-child.html
http://am-global-01.blogspot.com/2009/06/pathetic-understanding-about-oneself.html
http://am-global-01.blogspot.com/2009/03/being-raised-in-west.html
Plus in our schools, because teachers are underpaid and undervalued, the
applicant pool is not very strong and we often do not have our highest
quality people going into the teaching profession. Oversized classrooms,
growing violence, and a huge array of behavioral issues, contribute to
the problems and schools in the west often resemble counseling centers
or even jails, not centers of learning. The children then are not
introduced to a proper code of conduct nor given a proper cosmic
outlook. Rather they are submerged in all kinds of social ills.
With this dramatic deficit both at home and in schools, our children are
frustrated, angry, isolated, and littered with so many psychic and
emotional troubles.
The outcome of all this is that our children are prone to either
bullying others or to being bullied themselves. This is a problem
especially in the west, but really anywhere materialism becomes a
stronghold. In that sense, we all are at risk - kids everywhere are
susceptible.
OUR RESPONSE
With the situation of bullying as serious as it is, the issue demands
resolution.
Tragically, all too often, parents are too busy to even know that their
children are going through such traumatic events. Parents work 10 or 12
hours days, see their kids for a few minutes at night, and hardly have
time to eat dinner together let alone talk about meaningful matters.
Besides, when there is a basic gap in parent-child communication, then
things mostly go unnoticed and unaddressed.
If and when some parents do come to know that their kids are getting
bullied, they often respond with a phrase like, "Don't worry, just make
some other friends."
This is most harmful as it shoves the problem under the rug forever.
This only worsens the situation and allows it fester, causing lifelong
problems like fear complexes, alienation, despair, nightmares,
depression and more.
As parents, our approach must be totally pro-active when it come to
bullying.
1. Parents must tune in, come forward and pay concern to their child's
physical and emotional needs. For them, getting bullied is a frightening
thing. Kids must feel that they are loved and that as parents we are
concerned with their problem.
2. Parents must go to school and resolved the situation with the
principal and / or teachers. This type of direct action is needed.
3. If needed, parents must place their kids in a different school or
different learning environment.
4. Parents should also look into creating alternative social
opportunities for their children by having their kids meet up with kids
from a different neighborhood on the weekend. The kids should not be
around those same children who bully them.
5. Parents must be very aware of what kinds of friends their children
have. Friends are a huge component of a child's life and can be a
telltale sign of what direction your child's life is progressing.
6. Again and again, parents must enforce the sentiment that "You are
mine and I love you very much" within their child's mind. This must
start from Day 1 and be reinforced every day and every night by
providing a safe environment for their kids where they are included,
loved and embraced.
We have to remember that school and friends are everything for children.
Just as we work for a proper stature in society, our kids do the same.
As devastating as it is for us to lose our place in the world, it is
doubly scarring for children.
We must take their problems like bullying as monumental occurrences and
not minimise the problem to petty things. Should we talk down or
pooh-pooh the problem, our kids will never tell us anything again. It
will block all communication and the problem will fester.
Tragically this is what we see happening again and again in today's
materialistic society. And the result is that we have children
graduating from schools with a whole basket of psychic and emotional
issues that hinder them for the rest of their life. And we have children
who are totally disconnected from the families and communities.
Thus, as parents, teachers, counselors, concerned neighbors and school
administrators, we should address this problem of bullying in a very
forthright and direct manner. Failing that, we are inviting a whole slew
of issues for our children, as well as losing their trust.
BABA'S BLESSING
By His grace, all have come into this world to flower, bloom and
blossom. That is the dharma of human beings. When society itself blocks
this progress, problems abound. Bullying in school is a direct result of
materialism and leads to more and more social ills. It demands our
critical attention otherwise a neo-humanistic society will be but a
dream. I hope others will take up this important topic and share their
thoughts - our kids deserve it.
Namaskar,
Vinay
***************************************
How to Become Great
Baba says, "Who is mahat (great), who is maha'na (great), about this it has
been said, 'paropaka'rat mahat', or those who are serving others. They are
called mahat. Those who have studied volumes of books, or those who
accumulated huge wealth, those who have a prestigious family heritage, good
reputation in the society, all these things are there, etc even then they
cannot be great if they do not serve others."
"Those who are serving others, they are mahat, great. To do social
service huge money is not needed. Whatever strength you have at present in
your hand, utilise that to serve others. If body is strong physically then
serve with physical body, and if you have money then serve with your money,
if you have intellect then do with intellect, if you have courage then do
with that, if you do not have anything then you do by your good thoughts
and well-wishing. Human beings become great by serving others. But where
there is not service they become low and mean. They become meager." (AV-28
(H))
***************************************
