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"I am a Coward"

From: To: Subject: "I am a Coward" Date: Tue, 16 Feb 2010 22:16:16 Baba "Egiye calo bandhura' saba samaya hayeche a'ja..." (P.S. 4880) Purport: We all should march forward on the path of Baba's ideology. The evil forces will be annihilated. O' brothers and sisters, let us move forward; the time has come. The evil forces must be destroyed. Baba's infinite cosmic grace is showering on us. With that force, dharma will be established... (After reading this letter you will understand why I picked this above song...)
Namaskar, You may be wondering why I wrote a title like this, but what can I say, that is what I am. My conscience tells me that Baba's English discourses should be properly transcribed and printed directly in the original English. This much I understand. And this same neat and clean system should be applied to all His discourses -- i.e. maintain the authenticity and integrity of His original expression. But when the Tiljala camp invited me to do translation work then they encouraged me to do it their way: To translate the original English into Bangla and then re-translate back into English-- from the so-called original Bangla, thereby forever changing & tainting Baba's original discourse. This is what they encouraged me to do--- and I did it. So then what can I say, I am a coward. I do not have the courage to protest and fight them on this point. The thought of being a spiritual soldier just makes me feel weak in the knees. That strength I do not have. So I figured, at least let me become immortal by having my name appear on the inside pages of Baba's books-- "translated by..." or "reviewed by...". So for that reason I am accepted the strategy of Tiljala camp. Even then, if anyone accuses me of doing wrong or of being a groupist, then I will come forward and scratch their face. On the point of my own prestige I will fight. Internally, however, I realise that I am groupist, but externally I will never admit such things. I must pose myself as being a revolutionary, a fighter for justice, a Baba devotee, a sadvipra, and so much more. This impression about myself I must project others. The world must see me as this. But after all, inside I know I am coward. As much as I would like to, I am not going to fight for the proper printing of Baba's books-- not until the vast majority opposes the current way things are going. Then at that point I will also jump on the bandwagon and yell, "Baba's books must be proper!!". Until that time however, I will continue to drink the sweet, warm milk that the Publications Dept gives me. I will accept their praise and prestige by following their faulty system. Plus I will defend their dealing in public, I will get my name in the book, I will be on their esteemed Publications committee, and I will get all sorts of kudos and show myself as being a great sadhaka. Such is the way of my cowardly nature. Because standing up and fighting for what I know to be true just does not appeal to me right now. There is too much confusion and I have not the strength to fight. It is easier to accept their ways and become part of their groupist schema.
Internally I know that the Tiljala camp is not following Baba's stated guidelines for translating and publishing AM books. I know the Tiljala faction is transgressing His mandates. For instance, Baba says not to translate into Bengali first if it is not the original language, Baba says to write down the exact transcription of what He has spoken. Actually, Baba has dictated so many rules for doing translation work and those notes have been printed. So these are but a few of His tangible guidelines for Publications. For more information review this letter: Yet Tiljala is not following His order. All these things I know inside my heart. Even then I do not care. I have become a cog in the wheel of the Tiljala's groupist machinery. Day in and day out I continue to work for the Tiljala camp's Publication Dept. Because this gives me my place in the world. By this way I can show to others externally that I am a devotee and I am doing Baba's work. After all, my name will appear on the inside cover of Baba's books for decades and generations. So I am a confirmed groupist. And by following the lead of the Tiljala faction and doing their Publications work, I will get all kinds of perks and benefits. This is my inner tale-- need I say more. Why have I written you this. Because in my loneliest moments I do feel some guilt in all of this, and I hope change will come. Just I know that I am not the one who can spark such change. At least this much honesty with myself I wanted to have. I pray to Baba that He will accept me as I am & overlook what sin I am doing. in His love, p.s. There are so many examples of how Baba's books are not being printed properly. 1) When He delivers His DMC discourse in three languages then the Hindi and English portions are systematically eliminated and only the Bengali portion is kept. That is one huge problem and is prevalent in each and every DMC discourse. 2) Then all of the English discourse that Baba gave on His Fiesch tour have been done wrongly. In the books, it is proclaimed that they are translated from the original Bengali when in fact those are English discourses. And then they went so far as to translated them from English to Bengali and back into English. 3) Countless Hindi discourses have also been incorrectly done. Actually the Hindi language discourses have been badly mistreated by Publications. Those books are in the worst shape. Every page carries innumerable mistakes and omissions. It is not that those printed discourses need to be corrected-- they need to be REDONE entirely. They are in such poor shape they cannot be corrected. 4) But with the Bangla, then the Tiljala camp gets out its polish and makes the discourse as good as possible. So it is not that they do not know what to do or how to do. They are aware of Baba's guidelines. Just they are unwilling to apply that to the other languages like Hindi, English etc. In that case they prefer to taint the discourse in order to keep Bengali on top. And unfortunately, I have been party to all of this. Only I pray to Baba that I will not be reborn as some stone or a piece of iron. What is the exact punishment for mishandling the discourses of Taraka Brahma I do not know, but I pray to Baba that He will be merciful and pardon me for my sins.
********************************************* Who Should Get Credit
Baba says, "The duty of human beings is only to continue their efforts to please Parama Purusa. Thus when any work is done, the concerning sadhaka is not to be given any credit; the credit should be given to Parama Purus'a." (SS-18, p. 7)

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