From: Vikram
Subject: Story Of Broken Marriage, Infighting, & Kicking Each
Other
Baba
This entire email is composed of 3 parts:
(1) Posting: Story Of Broken Marriage, Infighting, &
Kicking Each Other;
(2 Trailer Quote: In Ananda Marga Guru Puja is one
Lesson
Each section is demarcated by asterisks (*).
**** Here begins the Prabhat Samgiita ****
Baba
== STORY OF BROKEN MARRIAGE,
INFIGHTING, & KICKING EACH OTHER ==
Namaskar,
Recently, on one rainy dark lunar midnight, a dear friend of mine
came to my house in that pitch darkness and knocked on the door. I
was surprised he had come but after hearing his voice I brought him
inside.
He was visibly shaken - nervous, upset, and worried. We talked at
length. I found out that his spouse had beat him. She returned from
a friend's wedding reception where she ate some tamasik food. It was
quite apparent as onion small was emanating from her mouth. The
husband objected. Then they started quarreling. Ultimately he
overreacted and verbally accosted her. In his fury he called her
nasty names. In turn, she hit him & beat him. He ran away to
save his own life. Don't be surprised. But she was a certified
karate teacher.
For reasons of privacy we shall refer to the husband as Prakash and
the spouse as Renu.
Prakash and I talked for hours that night. I calmed him down. Though
I was shocked & surprised to hear since the inception of their
marriage they have been quarreling on multiple issues.
This was very astonishing to me because I always thought of theirs
as an ideal marriage. I did not realise what was going on behind the
scenes. All along I had been telling everyone that their marriage
was successful. But now look what happened.
Just to give you a little background, Prakash and Renu were married
at DMS - it happened quickly and was nearly forced on them. I also
found out that Renu's father gave Dadas a "contribution" of RS
50,000 to arrange the marriage and perform the ceremony. In this way
Prakash was bound. In addition, those Dadas praised Renu. But
although her parents are good margiis it became clear that Renu
herself wanted nothing to do with Ananda Marga.
Before this, it was known that she would eat tamasik food: onion,
garlic, meat & eggs when she was with her friends in town. She
would eat those things outside the house - never bringing it into
her own kitchen.
Anyway, that night when Prakash reached to my house, I clearly
understood that they were living in hell. Externally it looked
exemplary - but the reality was something quite different.
By this whole story my mind was blown away.
I tried to communicate with other margiis - near and far - about
such matters and found that similar things were going on in many
cases, but not most. I synthesized all the info and present these
points to you to help ensure that such episodes do not happen again
& again. Before the boy and girl even marry, something needs to
be done to ensure that a mismatched marriage is averted in the
future.
OVERVIEW
Marriage is such an important aspect of our Ananda Marga way of
life. Family life plays a critical role on many societal levels so
it is important that our Ananda Marga marriages be healthy, vibrant
and strong.
However, in our Marga cases do arise where the marriage does not go
well. In the case of Prakash and Renu - although they belonged to
margiis families and their parents were strong margiis - but as a
married couple they did not match. They had different life goals. If
they knew this ahead of time they would not have married one
another. They married because their parents were margiis, not
because they had a shared life vision. They hardly knew each other
and Dadas and others were just painting a rosy picture by talking
only positives. No one talked about the negative side. If they had
known more about each other they would not have married.
This letter contains key guidelines and recommendations for ensuring
two people in Ananda Marga have the best opportunity for a proper
marriage. Everyone, especially parents and those seeking to get
married, should be aware of these following points.
ANANDA MARGA:
MARRIAGE IS FOR SOCIETY BUILDING
As we all know - first and foremost - our Ananda Marga marriage
system is purely for society building. Ananda Marga marriages are
for creating a healthy, safe, and inspired environment for raising
children in a conscientious manner. The married couple should be
confident and ready to contribute to the all around growth of
society: individually & collectively, locally & globally
etc. Marriage in Ananda Marga means commitment to one another and
strict adherence to AM ideals. It is a unique system; this type of
universal outlook is not formed in any other marriage system. They
must build a proper unit family and embrace the greater universal
family. This is our ideal.
It is in no way related with Hindu ritualistic marriages, western
materialistic marriages, or any other "marriage system" from around
the world. Nor do we follow or appreciate the new western model of
"co-habitating" without marriage and living as a libertine. In all
such cases, marriages are either based on external beauty,
infatuation, money, post or social status, local or religious
dogmas. These are the main allurements and aims most of the time.
POINTS EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW
The following are points all should be aware of when considering
marriage - either their own marriage, or a marriage of a family
member or friend.
LIFELONG COMMITMENT
1. Those getting married must firmly know in their mind that an
Ananda Marga marriage is a lifelong commitment to one another for
society building. The main idea is for both to take care of their
progeny and make their children into bonafide members of society.
There is no other outlook than this.
THE BOY AND GIRL MUST TALK AT LENGTH
2. The two young people - the future husband and spouse - must get
ample scope to talk beforehand. They must get the opportunity to get
to know one another and decide for themselves if this is a good
match. Here it should be clarified that "getting to know one
another" does not mean dating or being boyfriend and girlfriend. The
boy and girl can get to know one another in a neutral setting. We
can all think and decide what that setting should be. It should be
supervised, safe, yet private enough that they can talk freely.
a) They should talk about their goals and aims of life. They should
frankly discuss what they want. It is not that the parents should
decide if this is a good match. They should critically evaluate if
they share a similar outlook.
b) The boy and girl should discuss things as basic as: Who will hold
an outside job? Who will cook? Who will raise the children? Where
will we live? All these basic existential points should be discussed
as far as possible. Nothing should be left to assumption; one must
not rely on preconceived notions. They both should openly and
clearly review and compare their vision for how their life will
progress.
Unfortunately, all too often these things are not discussed; and, in
result, there is much confusion and disappointment after marrying.
What happens next is separation, marriage breaking or even divorce.
CASE STUDY:
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN...
Last year, two people married with the false expectation that
the other would do all the cooking and cleaning, etc. Both the
husband and spouse worked outside the home and neither wanted to
attend to any domestic duties. Hence their marriage became a mess
because they had the wrong impression from the outset. Today, both
of their families are involved daylong in settling their marital
disputes.
This is what happens when such matters are not discussed ahead of
time.
THE BOY AND GIRL MUST TALK AT LENGTH (Cont)
c) The boy and girl should also talk about their likes and
dislikes. Firstly, they should talk about their role in Ananda Marga
and their devotional link with Guru. If one is very involved in
Ananda Marga and is attracted to sadhana and the other is from a
margii family but has zero interest in Ananda Marga, then that
marriage is not going to work. So the boy and girl must sincerely
talk about their social and spiritual commitment to Ananda Marga
ideals and Baba.
I know one margii family where the husband is somewhat dogmatic but
the spouse wishes to sincerely practice Ananda Marga teachings. The
husband attends Ananda Marga programs as well as other dogmatic
religious gatherings and he tries to force his spouse to come to
those as well. But she does not like to attend local religious
events. This has become a source of tension and strife.
There are some margii marriages where the husband is very sincere in
16 Pts and other do's and don'ts, but the spouse has other
interests and ways of living. So she raised the children in her own
way, different from Ananda Marga. In result, the husband has become
a stranger in his own house. Sometimes he wishes to sing kiirtan out
loud, but with fear he does not do. He wants a home based on Ananda
Marga socio-cum-spiritual ideals, but something else is going on. If
any margii visits, then the spouse is not at all happy.
d) Next the young man and young lady should talk about their own
personal likes and dislikes related with everyday life - everything:
music, sports, literature, food, movies, friendships, cars,
exercise, reading, college or university studies, habits etc. They
should get a full picture of one another.
e) As far as possible, the boy and girl should get a clear cut
vision of each other's mental outlook. Without that, they definitely
should not marry.
Namaskar,
in Him,
Vikram
The section below demarcated by asterisks is an entirely
different topic,
completely unrelated to the above letter. It stands on
its own as a point of interest.
*******************************
In Ananda Marga Guru Puja is one Lesson
"Question: What is pratyáhára?"
"Answer: Pratyáhára is derived: prati – á – hr + ghaiṋ. The word
áhára literally means “assimilating” or “taking something within”.
As a yogic practice, pratyáhára means “withdrawal of the mind from
external objectivity and goading the withdrawn mind toward Parama
Puruśa”. (Yoga Psychology, Questions and Answers on Meditation)
"You must bring about a revolutionary change in the flow of your
judgment and thought, and see how, after overcoming your fascination
with external colour, your mind becomes tinged with the His glorious
colour. In Ananda Marga Sadhana, the method of withdrawing the mind
from degrading tendencies, and absorbing oneself in the colour of
the Great, is called Pratyáhára Yoga (the yoga of withdrawal) or
Varńárghyadána (the offering of colours). All people have a
particular attraction for one or another object or activity and as
soon as they become attracted to an object, then their minds become
coloured with the colour of that object. You can withdraw your mind
from the colour of that object and dye yourself in His colour by
offering Him the captivating colour of the object that has attracted
you: this is the real Pratyáhára Yoga. The word Pratyáhára means “to
withdraw” – to withdraw the mind from its object." (Subhasita
Samgraha - 3, Vibration, Form and Colour)
Note: In Astaunga Yoga, there are 8 limbs - one of which is
pratyahara. We practice that as Guru puja as part of our regular
sadhana routine. Guru puja is very important. After sadhana, one
should always do Guru puja, and Guru puja can also be done on its
own. After all, it is a lesson. By this way, one's attachment for
mundane things slowly fades away. It is a perfect science. If, after
practicing Guru puja, one is unable to get rid of their worldly
attachments and / or a particular mental weakness, then best is to
consult an acarya. In Senior Acarya Diary, Baba has given a detailed
science and method for practicing Guru puja. One should learn how to
do this from any acarya, one on one.
*******************************