== AN ADMISSION: "I AM A COWARD" ==
Namaskar,
You may be wondering why I wrote a title like this, but what can I say,
that is what I am.
My conscience tells me that Baba's English discourses should be properly
transcribed and printed directly in the original English. This much I
understand. And this same neat and clean system should be applied to all
His discourses -- i.e. maintain the authenticity and integrity of His
original expression.
But when the Tiljala camp invited me to do translation work then they
encouraged me to do it their way: To translate the original English into
Bangla and then re-translate back into English-- from the so-called
original Bangla, thereby forever changing & tainting Baba's original
discourse.
This is what they encouraged me to do--- and I did it. So then what can
I say, I am a coward.
I do not have the courage to protest and fight them on this point. The
thought of being a spiritual soldier just makes me feel weak in the
knees. That strength I do not have.
So I figured, at least let me become immortal by having my name appear
on the inside pages of Baba's books-- "translated by..." or "reviewed
by...". So for that reason I am accepted the strategy of Tiljala camp.
Even then, if anyone accuses me of doing wrong or of being a groupist,
then I will come forward and scratch their face. On the point of my own
prestige I will fight.
Internally, however, I realise that I am groupist, but externally I will
never admit such things. I must pose myself as being a revolutionary, a
fighter for justice, a Baba devotee, a sadvipra, and so much more. This
impression about myself I must project others. The world must see me as
this.
But after all, inside I know I am coward. As much as I would like to, I
am not going to fight for the proper printing of Baba's books-- not
until the vast majority opposes the current way things are going. Then
at that point I will also jump on the bandwagon and yell, "Baba's books
must be proper!!".
Until that time however, I will continue to drink the sweet, warm milk
that the Publications Dept gives me. I will accept their praise and
prestige by following their faulty system. Plus I will defend their
dealing in public, I will get my name in the book, I will be on their
esteemed Publications committee, and I will get all sorts of kudos and
show myself as being a great sadhaka.
Such is the way of my cowardly nature. Because standing up and fighting
for what I know to be true just does not appeal to me right now. There
is too much confusion and I have not the strength to fight. It is easier
to accept their ways and become part of their groupist schema.
NOT FOLLOWING BABA'S GUIDELINES
Internally I know that the Tiljala camp is not following Baba's stated
guidelines for translating and publishing AM books. I know the Tiljala
faction is transgressing His mandates.
For instance, Baba says not to translate into Bengali first if it is not
the original language, Baba says to write down the exact transcription
of what He has spoken.
Actually, Baba has dictated so many rules for doing translation work and
those notes have been printed. So these are but a few of His tangible
guidelines for Publications.
For more information review this letter:
http://am-global-01.blogspot.com/2008/04/unpleasant-truth.html
Yet Tiljala is not following His order. All these things I know inside
my heart. Even then I do not care. I have become a cog in the wheel of
the Tiljala's groupist machinery.
Day in and day out I continue to work for the Tiljala camp's Publication
Dept. Because this gives me my place in the world. By this way I can
show to others externally that I am a devotee and I am doing Baba's
work. After all, my name will appear on the inside cover of Baba's books
for decades and generations.
So I am a confirmed groupist. And by following the lead of the Tiljala
faction and doing their Publications work, I will get all kinds of
perks and benefits.
This is my inner tale-- need I say more.
Why have I written you this. Because in my loneliest moments I do feel
some guilt in all of this, and I hope change will come. Just I know that
I am not the one who can spark such change. At least this much honesty
with myself I wanted to have.
I pray to Baba that He will accept me as I am & overlook what sin I am
doing.
in His love,
p.s. There are so many examples of how Baba's books are not being
printed properly.
1) When He delivers His DMC discourse in three languages then the Hindi
and English portions are systematically eliminated and only the Bengali
portion is kept. That is one huge problem and is prevalent in each and
every DMC discourse.
2) Then all of the English discourse that Baba gave on His Fiesch tour
have been done wrongly. In the books, it is proclaimed that they are
translated from the original Bengali when in fact those are English
discourses. And then they went so far as to translated them from English
to Bengali and back into English.
3) Countless Hindi discourses have also been incorrectly done. Actually
the Hindi language discourses have been badly mistreated by
Publications. Those books are in the worst shape. Every page carries
innumerable mistakes and omissions. It is not that those printed
discourses need to be corrected-- they need to be REDONE entirely. They
are in such poor shape they cannot be corrected.
4) But with the Bangla, then the Tiljala camp gets out its polish and
makes the discourse as good as possible. So it is not that they do not
know what to do or how to do. They are aware of Baba's guidelines. Just
they are unwilling to apply that to the other languages like Hindi,
English etc. In that case they prefer to taint the discourse in order to
keep Bengali on top.
And unfortunately, I have been party to all of this. Only I pray to Baba
that I will not be reborn as some stone or a piece of iron. What is the
exact punishment for mishandling the discourses of Taraka Brahma I do
not know, but I pray to Baba that He will be merciful and pardon me for
my sins.
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Who Should Get Credit
Baba says, "The duty of human beings is only to continue their efforts
to please Parama Purusa. Thus when any work is done, the concerning
sadhaka is not to be given any credit; the credit should be given to
Parama Purus'a." (SS-18, p. 7)
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