Why Some Marriages Fail in AM

From: Kiran
Date: Thu, 21 Feb 2013 21:53:58
Subject: Why Some Marriages Fail in AM
To: am-global@earthlink.net

Baba

This entire email is composed of 3 parts:
(1) Prabhat Samgiita #2429;
(2) Posting: Why Some Marriages Fail in AM;
(3) Trailer Quote:  Structural Defects May Be The Cause
 Each section is demarcated by asterisks (*).

**** Here begins the Prabhat Samgiita ****

Note: This Prabhat Samgiita is opening the window for how life society will be after the establishment of neo-humanism.


"Sakal duya'r khule dile prabhu, Va'ta'yan-pathe a'lo elo..." (P.S. 2429)


Purport:

O' Parama Purusa, O' Baba, You are so gracious; You have come and opened all the doors and windows, and inundated this world with Your divine effulgence. O' Baba, You are so gracious; You have taken advent and given the divine teaching of neo-humanism and Your universal philosophy. By this way, You have eradicated all dogma and narrow-mindedness. On the eastern horizon the crimson dawn is visible. The darkness has been dispelled. There is a brilliant new era on the rise. The statictiy of narrow-mindedness and misunderstanding is vanishing, by the propagation of Your neo-humanistic philosophy.

O' Divine Entity, in the past there was the domination of dogma and groupism all around. Countless superstitions, rituals and dogmas were doing their naked dance. In the past there was a lot of division and narrow-minded people had the upper-hand. Now the era has changed.

Now, with the presence of Your divine effulgence, in the blink of an eye those creatures of darkness along with their dogmas dissolved into thin air. With the arrival of Ananda Marga philosophy and neo-humanism, the demons cannot spread their venom anymore - they have all been destroyed. O' the Embodiment of effulgence and shelter of all, with Your affection and punishment, scorching heat and cool shade, Your love is vibrant. Irrespective in all these situations - good or bad - tough times or good times - Your grace emanates in various ways. You are always present with Your mood of causeless grace. O' Parama Purusa, You have  only one motive - to help jiivas. In Your divine liila, You create all kinds of events - good and bad - yet everywhere Your well-wishing is present. There is no other motive than the welfare of all. Baba, Your grace is always flowing and showering bliss...

== WHY SOME MARRIAGES FAIL IN AM ==

Namaskar,
Here are more points which I think will be helpful for understanding this entire issue of failed marriages.

BEWARE OF INTEREST GROUPS

1) One should be prudent - even skeptical, about receiving advice from stakeholders - ie sometimes even family margiis also carry a bias. For instance, let's say that in their unit or bhukti, there is a girl or boy nearing 30 years of age and it is obvious that this person needs to get married soon. Then with the intention of supporting them, such people falsely praise that boy or girl up to the sky in order to attract an interested party. Under the notion of helping to marry that older boy or girl, some such people may say things that are not true. Out of sympathy they may say, "Oh he or she is very good and has always been exemplary in our community." When in fact that is not at all true. Just they are saying like that in order to get that person married. Actually they want to help but what they are doing is not at all good. Encouraging false perceptions as will lead to a bad marriage - or the marriage may simply implode or break apart.

FINANCE

2) Finances play a big role in any household. So the boy and girl should have in-depth discussions and get to know each other's lifestyle and views on money. Someone who wishes to live like a king or queen should not marry someone with a sadhu mentality, or vice-versa. There should be clarity on all financial matters including credit, debt, cash allowances etc. The expectations on points of finance should be very clear.

CHILDREN & EDUCATION

3) One of the most defining points of any marriage is child rearing. Ahead of time - before they marry - the boy and girl should discuss how they are going to raise their children. What values will they impose? How far will they goad their child into Ananda Marga way of life? How far will they go to never compromise with dogma? The child must be brought to the path of sadhana at any early age and encouraged in this practice wholeheartedly.

Is one going to let the child play always while the other parent tries to instill a sense of discipline toward spiritual life? Is one going to let the child eat garlic while the other wishes to raise the child on a sentient diet. There are so many points of possible contention.

One must also remember that those children will one day be teenagers. Will you raise a person who will be a slave of pseudo-culture. If so, that teenager may bring meat into your kitchen, alcohol into your study, and harsh, loud music into your sadhana room. If one parent emphasizes spiritual life and the other does not, there are going to be problems - many of them.

So this should be thoroughly discusses beforehand, lest you become a stranger in your own house where your own children have become like non-margiis. In that case, they and your spouse will form a majority vote in your own home. If you do not educate them about our AM way of life from their infancy, this is going to happen.

POINT OF AWARENESS

4) If the groom follows the Indian tradition that females should cook and do all sorts of house chores - if this is his preconceived notion - then it should be be discussed ahead of time.

Here I don't want to debate the which role is proper or improper for the male and female in a marriage, only this is brought as a point of awareness and that discussion ahead of time is helpful.

Otherwise this might be the cause of a marriage break-up.

NATURE OF TRANSITORY WORLD

5) Here is another critical point that the boy and girl must review. They both must be educated about, as well as discuss, how this world is transitory. The beauty they both possess today will not last forever. At any time, they may lose much of that beauty. One might contract some terrible disease like diabetes or multiple sclerosis, or get involved in a road accident etc. So many things can happen. The boy and girl should be told about how this world is transitory; they must understand the impact of this. If anyone gets married based on external beauty that marriage will fall apart. We have seen this so many times. They should discuss with one another how they will treat and regard each other when they are sick, disabled or helpless. Because, after all, their youthfulness and beauty will not last forever. Hearing and seeing this, do they still want to get married.

ANANDA MARGA IDEOLOGY

6) The teachings of Ananda Marga have to be a central aspect of any margii marriage. Both boy and girl have to be of the mind-set that what Baba says on any given topic is the defining opinion.

It is not enough to renounce one's caste and get married. Yes, we have to overcome all caste sentiments etc, but our Ananda Marga ideology encompasses all realms of existence.

Both have to be ready to follow Baba in each and every aspect of life. So when there is any disagreement between the husband and spouse, then the answer must be found in Baba's guideline. And that must be accepted by both as final. This must be discussed ahead of time.

OATH

7) The boy and the girl should be ready to strictly follow the oath of our Ananda Marga marriage: To live like Shiva and Parvatii. This should be formally written down and both the boy and girl should be educated as to what that means and then sign that piece of paper as a veritable contract. This contract must be binding on each and every Ananda Marga marriage. One must be extremely careful and aware if their spouse will Ananda Marga way of life or not.

DO NOT RELY ON WTS FOR MATCH-MAKING

8) It is important to remember that Dadas must NOT act as a mediator for any Ananda Marga marriage. Invariably, Dadas will give preference to the family giving them more money. So if the boy is not interested in AM and drowned in pseudo-culture, that Dada will paint a false picture and say how the boy is spirited and meticulous in 16 pts. This may not happen every time - but certainly there is scope for such issues. It has happened in the past and must be avoided in the future. And the best way to avoid this in the future is not to involve Dadas.

Besides it is not good for our wholetimers to act as matchmakers. In that process some accidentally get themselves matched up and they leave their Wt ship. This also has happened.

Thus for everyone's well being, no Wt should be actively involved in match-making. Rather Wts should refrain from match-making entirely. That is Baba's rule.

TREMENDOUS BENEFIT

By making all of the above perfectly clear between the boy and girl before marriage, then so many misnomers, false perceptions, and bogus expectations will be washed away. The mind will be clear and pointed and one can truly decide whether to marry that person or not. Or should they marry someone else. This will have tremendous benefit in both the personal lives of those who wed as well as in the greater society. People will be successful and productive in their marriages and society will not be plagued by mis-matched marriages and divorce. Mis-matched marriages are commonly looked upon as normal to others, but those involved in that marriage suffer internally and feel like an alien in their own house. Children will not be left shelterless but rather empowered by having dedicated parents who live by a spiritual ideal. Then society can truly be done in the real spirit of the term.

POSITIVE OUTCOME

Some may complain that after reading this now no one will want to get married. They will argue that there are to many stipulations and it is an impossible endeavor. But theirs is not a well-reasoned approach.

We have to remember that when drugs were initially given as medicine then the side effects were never listed and patients were getting harmed. Finally the government intervened and demanded that all medical side effects must be stated. After this judgment, some were concerned that no one will take those medicines if companies are forced to list the side effects. Yet here we are years and decades later, and people still take those medicines and they are aware about the side effects so they can protect themselves. The end result is positive.

Similarly, if people are aware ahead of time about the difficulties of married life, they will be better off. Then they can properly prepare for getting married and select the right spouse and create an ideal family.

Finally, the main idea is that the entire institution of marriage cannot be stopped. It has been going on for thousands of years. It satisfies a basic human need. Thus listing the pitfalls of marriage is not going to deter anyone from getting married. Only it will fortify them with the requisite knowledge to make an educated decision.

NEGATIVE INFLUENCE

After all, we are living in a materialistic society, so what is going on all around affects us. Not only that, we live in world that is dominated by gross materialism where "love" marriages are the norm. Two people get attracted - give in to sensual desires - and then divorce when any problem comes or difficulty arises. Or they leave one another when their become infatuated with someone else.

We must not allow this disease to affect our Ananda Marga way of life. Rather we are to positively affect the greater society.

RESULT OF MIS-MATCHED MARRIAGE

Here Baba graphically points out the fate of those who suffer from mismatched marriages.

Baba says, "The spouse of a certain gentleman that I knew was quite ill-mannered. One winter evening I saw this gentleman sitting quietly at the foot of a tree. I asked him: “Why are you sitting under this tree on a winter evening? You’ll freeze.” He replied: “You know, my young friend, if I go in the house I’ll hear only khankhan jhanhan [unpleasant and disturbing sounds]. It’s a lot more peaceful out here.” (1)

VIVAHA

Baba has graciously given the perfect system for building a great human society. Marriage is one of the key elements. Every marriage within the Marga should be done only after thoughtful consideration. All should be very aware of what marriage means and they should know who they are marrying.

Baba says, "[Shiva] declared that women must be kalatra, which means that women must discharge their obligations to their husbands and their children in such a way that the latter will not have the least difficulty. Those who accepted this new arrangement were declared married...The Sanskrit equivalent for marriage is viváha (vi – vaha + ghaiṋ): it means, after the ceremony, the man and women can no longer live as libertines or as irresponsible so-called family people. They have to discharge their full obligations as bharttá and kalatra, responsible husband and responsible spouse...The liberal meaning of the term viváha is “live one’s life in a new way with a special type of responsibility.” This is the underlying significance of the Shaeva system of marriage." (2)

Namaskar,
In Him,
Kiran


REFERENCES:
1. Varna Vijiana, Disc: 19
2. Namah Shivaya Shantaya, Disc: 9. Shivokti 3

Note LINK TO SIMILAR TOPIC:

Here is a link to an earlier letter on this issue

http://am-global-01.blogspot.com/2013/02/story-of-broken-marriage-infighting.html

The section below demarcated by asterisks is an entirely different topic,
completely unrelated to the above letter. It stands on its own as a point of interest.
**************************************
Structural Defects May Be The Cause

There are all kinds of reasons why people may succumb to dogma. It may happen due to self-interest, cowardly nature, political gain etc. And here Baba points out how it may be due to defects in their physical structure. That may be why they cannot follow Baba.

Baba says, "If there is under-secretion of the hormones of the testes glands, a youth will develop less kindness, and less hair will grow in the armpits and pubic region. If you see a man with these physical characteristics, then and there you can come to a conclusion about the extent of his kindness. Moreover, such a person will most likely support dogma. He will not have the moral strength to protest against dogma (including scriptural dogma), and he will not support a new idea." (Yoga Psychology)

**************************************