AM MARRIAGES:
LUCRATIVE BUSINESS AND POLITICAL TOOL
Namaskar,
Our AM system of forming marriages is unique; it is like no other around
the globe. Neither do we follow the so-called "love & romance" marriages
of the west, nor do we adhere to the dogmatic tenets related with
eastern marriages. Ours is an arranged system of marriage based on
rationality that gives scope for both the bride and groom to be to have
a definite voice, yet at the same time aims first and foremost for the
welfare of child. That is why we say that our unique system of creating
marriages in AM is part and parcel of society building. This everyone knows.
Unfortunately, at present, in today's AMPS society, our revolutionary
system of forming marriages is being tainted and threatened by a few
greedy hands-- this is especially true here in Delhi sector. Because
various Dadas are demanding (and getting) huge commissions for arranging
marriages for female marriage candidates, plus they injecting groupist
agendas into our AM marriage process.
Please read the following and contribute your own experiences as well.
SO-CALLED LOVE MARRIAGES IN THE WEST
Firstly our revolutionary marriage (RM) system is vastly different from
what is happening both in the west and in the east.
In the western world, most marriages are just crude love affairs that
occur only after the couple has been 'dating' for a few years-- and
often both the male and female involved have already "dated" or "seen"
innumerable other people previously. Here dating means spending lots of
time together and being fully sexually involved, yet not having any
commitment towards the other person, neither now nor in the future. Only
they are sexual partners for the time being, in the heat of the moment.
Such is the crude, animalistic way of western materialistic values.
This abhorrent system of 'dating' often leads then to heartache,
disappointment, and sexually transmitted diseases; and the worst part is
that babies get born into this world without a true mother and father.
Because when the female becomes pregnant then the so-called father
escapes from the scene. In that case, the child is looked upon as one
unwanted creature-- an ugly burden. In such a terrible state, the child
feels alienated from the world and unloved by its "parents".
That is why AM totally rejects today's loose and promiscuous way of
western dating where people 'fall in love' and may or may not get
married; and if they do get married it is often for all the wrong reasons.
Tragically though, due to the mass media and the 'glory of' the west'
this crude way of dating is spreading all around the globe. But this is
not at all appreciated in AM and certainly all Ananda Margiis should
refrain from such a manner. Such dating is no way to create a marriage--
just it leads to a debased way of living. Yet this is what typically
happens in the west; actually dating is so rampant and so common-place
that no one thinks twice about it. So there is a heaven and hell
difference between western dating and our RM system.
Before getting into the details about how certain Dadas are manipulating
our pristine marriage system for the benefit of their own pocket and
agenda, let's just take a moment to review how marriages are
traditionally formed in the east, or more specifically in India.
THE DOGMATIC TRADITION OF INDIA
The traditional Indian marriage system is comparatively better than the
pseudo-culture dating ways of the west. Why is it better? Because it
more closely resembles our AM model. Even then, the Indian system is not
without its loopholes and drawbacks.
Basically, as a quick review, the general Indian society follows an
arranged marriage system, as do we in AM. But in the dogmatic Hindu
model, 99% of the time the future husband and wife do not have any say
in the marriage, often resulting in one or another marrying against
their will. Secondly, the traditional Hindu system advocates the use of
the dowry where the father of the bride must pay exorbitant sums of
money to the husband's family. In addition, an extremely heavy emphasis
is placed on only marrying within one's caste. Finally, in all cases of
nuptial agreements, the whole proposition of marriage is seen as one
occasion where the father of the bride is "donating" his daughter to the
boy's family.
All these Hindu religious dogmas Baba has strongly condemned so every
Ananda Margii is quite aware about these social ills.
Even then, the traditional Indian system creates marriages that mostly
aim for the welfare of the child, which is far more than the crude
western dating process can claim.
Still however, neither east nor west can hold a candle to the sublime
approach of Ananda Marga. And certainly it is only a matter before all
will follow our sentient society building model of forming marriages. So
we need things to be proper in the practical sphere, lest everyone think
that ours is also just one faulty, manipulative way.
CREATING MARRIAGES IN AM
Baba has given the system in AM for responsible parties such as the
parents and family acaryas-- not sannyasis-- to be deeply involved in
arranging suitable marriages. They help ensure that marriages are not
just based on crude physical attraction, but rather on a whole range of
social variables such as one's personality, profession, financial means,
education, family background, and, of course, one's adherence to 16
Points. By this wide-ranging approach, we can best ensure that the
marriage will provide a stable and sentient environment for raising
children where both males and females have equal rights. And of course,
no marriage can move ahead without the mutual consent of both the
'to-be' husband and wife. In a nutshell this is our AM system: Proper
guidance, no dowry, and thorough consideration of physical, psychic, and
spiritual well-being.
WHAT IS HAPPENING NOWADAYS
Unfortunately, things are not moving in a pretty direction with regards
to our AM marriage system, as you will soon see.
First let us examine the field. As our AM is still relatively new, it is
not that in each and every block and village there is suitable match for
marriage making. Even in Delhi sector, often margii families search far
and wide for the best possible spouse. And in that way, various Dadas
and a few Didis have stepped onto the scene-- and are rigging things in
their personal favour.
Because Dadas and Didis travel all throughout the sector so they are
aware about many more marriage candidates than the family people. So
family margiis have come to rely on various WTs to help find a suitable
match. Ultimately, all families want someone established in 16 Points,
financially stable, intelligent and educated, physically appropriate
etc. So it is a competitive market. Families have numerous demands which
the Dadas are well aware about. And, at the same time, margii families
are anxious to get a proper marriage arranged.
So what happens, some acaryas have entered into the 'marriage making
business'. They noticed the need and exploited it. In essence for a fee,
various Dadas will become a broker or advocate for the family,
especially for the girl's side. That means the margii family will pay
that Dada to find a match. The family's intention is basically pure as
they are concerned to make a proper marriage, which is not easy to do.
And some Dada's have turned this into a lucrative money making venture.
Because already Indian families are accustomed to paying a dowry-- but
this does not exist in AM per se. So when paying a dowry is not a
factor, the family is willing to pay a Dada to 'watch out' for their
needs. And some or more Dadas have made it their profession to become
marriage brokers. And this creates hell all around.
JUST IN IT FOR THE MONEY
When some marriage broker Dadas are just in it for the money, then they
are no longer impartial guides in the marriage making process. They have
a distinct self-interest based on their financial gain. For that reason
they haggle and barter to make marriages not for the success of the
marriage but for their own business interest.
For instance suppose there is a suitable margii girl in Kerala yet that
family has not paid a broker Dada anything, then there is no way that
Dada will help out in arranging her marriage, even if he knows of a
perfect match. This type of vendetta is going on. And by that way many
highly suitable margii daughters are sitting for ages and ages waiting
to get married but to no avail. Because Wts are not bringing any male
candidates in their contact. And in the end it often happens that the
margii girl's family will get frustrated and she may just marry a
non-margii boy.
Or so many other factors may take place. Let's say for instance a
marriage candidate from Bengal is ready to marry a boy from Gujurat. And
all families involved are approving and all the factors look good. But
if a Dada has received payment from a third family and they are
interested in having their girl marry that same margii boy from Gujurat,
then that marriage broker Dada will hastily intercede and advocate
strongly for his candidate. That Dada might even spread nasty rumours
about and condemn the other female party. All because that Dada is
greedy to collect his 10 thousand or 20 thousand Rupee payment from his
margii client.
This is the screwy way things are working and as you might imagine there
are an infinite number of scenarios that can take place where a Wt might
manipulate the scene in order to collect his payment. They might spread
rumours, threaten, destroy a potential marriage, and even arrange an
improper marriage. There is no end to their tricks etc. All for their
own individual profit.
So marriage brokering for financial gain is one point that is
threatening the sanctity of our AM marriage system.
GROUPIST AGENDA ALSO A FACTOR
Then there is also the matter of political gain. Let's take one well
known 'hypothetical' case. Suppose there is one margii girl from Bihar
living in Delhi and there is one margii boy from Vishakapatnam. And all
factors are pointing towards a proper marriage and both marriage
candidates are interested. Even then various Dadas like Citsvarupananda
might poke their nose for various selfish reasons. Because the girl's
family is not supporting his groupist stand. For that political reason,
then a Dada like Citsvarupananda might jump into the situation and try
to turn the boy against that girl. To that end the Dada might spread all
kinds of misinformation about the girl in order to ruin her dignity in
the eyes of that boy. Or that Dada might threaten the boy's family that
they will not be allowed in dharmacakra because their girl is marrying
some alleged protester or defector etc. This type of thing could and
does happen. Because various Dadas have their own selfish agenda in
making marriages for their own political gain.
SUMMARY
Although both the western and eastern worlds are badly in need of an
exemplary model of marriage making, and although Baba has given the
perfect system, in today's AM society we are not able to project the
proper example to the society. Not because we do not have sufficient or
proper marriage candidates. That is not the problem. Rather various
sannyasis, who should not even be involved in marriage making, stick
their fingers into the soup for their own gain. Such Dadas have a nose
for a profit and politicking and they know how to seize hold of the
advantage. And tragically, this dirty tactic they have imposed on our AM
marriage system. Of course, all along there are many good Wts who are
sincerely doing their duty. So on them I wish to cast no blame, rather
appreciation. But to date many margii families have been befooled,
harmed, and cheated by such marriage broker Dadas, who taint the image
of all workers, sadly enough. All in all, there is some awareness about
this entire matter, but due to the nature of the situation, various
Dadas are continuing on in their marriage brokering business. And the
results are not at all good.
As a family, as a community, as a society, margiis and workers around
the globe should be wholly aware of what is going on. Because society
building is an integral feature for sustaining and expanding our Marga,
yet when the very essence of this system is being tainted by some greedy
Dadas, then that is indeed cause for alarm. Let us resolve this problem
at the earliest. It is certainly as pressing as the current group clash
because if the institution for bringing margii children is in question,
then what is more urgent than that.
BABA'S BLESSING
By Baba's grace, with the help of all we will be able to restore the
dignity, integrity, and dharma to our AM marriage system.
Baba says, "A decision for marriage should be taken with full
consideration of one’s physical, mental, and financial conditions and
environmental circumstances. No one should exert pressure in the matter
of marriage. Marriage is not a hindrance to dharma sa'dhana'; marriage
is a dharmic ceremony." (CC-1)
Namaskar,
Tribhuvan
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Fate of Egotistical People
Baba says, "It is only when the human beings, become puffed up with
vanity and misuse the power granted to them by Parama Purus'a, that He
steals everything from them. Hence, He is called Darpaha'rii - the
stealer of vanity...Vain people suffer a similar fate when their vanity
is destroyed as the balloon faces when its air is let out. But, does
Parama Purus'a snatch away everything from everyone? No, He takes away
only when the unit beings try to create obstructions in the flow of His
creation." (APH-4, p.247)
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